#PumpRules S03E04 “Jax Nose Best” Recap

We’re back to another episode of Vanderpump Rules, and is it just me or are each episode getting better than the last?


We start off with Jax, Tom Sandoval and Tom Shwartz getting their eyebrows threaded. Jax is about to get a nose job and Tom Sandoval made a shirt with a picture of his old nose. I have to admit, these guys are hilarious together. In a way, I’m kind of glad that Tom and Jax are friends again. They’re definitely a dynamic duo.


Stassi goes to SUR to visit Katie and to eat some goat cheese balls. Apparently, they’re the bomb. I’ll have to try it if I ever go to SUR. She has a little talk with Ariana. She tells Stassi about Kristen’s super awkward visit at Tom’s apartment. Stassi believes that Kristen will weasel her way back into everybody’s life quickly and I’m afraid I agree. She doesn’t believe how forgiving people are at SUR and she said that things used to go differently when she “used to run” SUR. Oh yeah, Kristen and Scheana got matching tattoos. Better her than me. At the end of the day, Ariana and Stassi agree that Kristen just isn’t worth anything. Cheers to that.


At PUMP, the manager tells Lisa that Tom Schwartz basically had a meltdown and walked out in the middle of his shift. Holy shit, Lisa is pissed. I feel sorry for you, Tom.


Katie comes home to Tom in bed. He starts telling his side of the story and Katie feels let down. At the end of the day, that’s the man she wants to marry but before they can get married he needs to get his shit together. Basically, he’s been picking and choosing when he wants to do real work for the last few years. I wish I had that luxury. I really like Tom Schwartz, which is why I want him to get his shit together. This is life, we all have to do things we don’t want to. And as Katie kindly points out, “Even Jax can do this job.”

Jax is getting his nose job and I’m skipping it. I hate operation scenes. It creeps me out. Not to mention, I’m eating.


Stassi and Katie are catching up and having lunch at a restaurant called Stir. Katie expresses her frustrations about the current situation with Tom. I feel bad for her. Stassi says she’s relieved she finally has a boyfriend who has a career and is stable. Stassi says that she sees Tom as very relaxed when it comes to not just his work, but his relationship and once again, I agree. Also, Katie tells Stassi that Jax had a nose job and her reaction is priceless.


Tom Schwartz takes Jax back to his apartment after the surgery and Jax is whining and crying because he wants his drugs (pain medication). Peter and Lisa drop by to check on Jax. When Tom Schwartz opened the door, I think he might have crapped his pants. I know I would if I saw Lisa after I pissed her off. Tom is really kissing Lisa’s ass and she’s not having any of it. It was nice knowing you, Tom!

Kristen, ugh, and her fame whoring fetus boyfriend are at the gym and I’m skipping it also. All she talks about is Tom and it’s bloody annoying. (Yes, in Belize we say ‘bloody’ as well). Scheana and Tom Sandoval also pays Jax a visit and they bring donuts. I want some. I need some dessert to go with my dinner. Blood starts trickling down from Jax’s nose and I’m done. Gross.


Lisa is having dinner with Ken and Lance Bass and his fiancee. Fame whoring fetus boyfriend, James comes back to beg for his job, again. Lisa is annoyed and so am I. Unfortunately, she gives James his job back.


Tom Shwartz meets Lisa at PUMP for a meeting and it is painful to watch. He gives her back his PUMP uniforms. The least he could have done is wash them. Come on, dude. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Lisa on RHOBH is that respect and loyalty goes a long way with her. Come on, Tom, I want to be on your side but you’re giving me nothing to work with! Back at Jax’s apartment, both Toms, Ariana, Scheana and Shay visit Jax. His swollen face makes him look like a hippo a little bit. They talk about Katie and questions why she’s not around now that Stassi is in town. Jax is whining that Katie didn’t text him about his nose job. God, that little boy is so needy.

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Everyone’s at the OK Magazine party and it’s Stassi, Katie, Peter, Kristina and Tom Shwartz at one table, and Ariana, Tom Sandoval, Scheana and Shay at the other. Then Kristen shows up via invite from Scheana with her infant boyfriend in tow. Tom is annoyed and so am I.

Stassi’s table is playing high-card cut and the loser has to go sit at Scheana’s table for 5 minutes. Of course, Stassi loses and she heads on over. She sits next to Scheana and they’re both playing nice. Kristen is uncomfortable and I’m loving every second of it. After not seeing or hearing from Stassi since the reunion, she brings up Jax and his nose job. You don’t bring up your ex-best friend’s ex-boyfriend who you banged when you see her for the first time, you big dummy.

Stassi then goes back to her table and Scheana heads on over, with Kristen in tow. But, at least she brought a bottle of vodka to share with everyone. Stassi asks the table how they are all friends, and I really do want to know myself because I am baffled. Ariana makes it clear that they are NOT all friends. Kristen tries to awkwardly make peace with Tom and Ariana shuts it down. Love her. Kristen finally took the hint for once and leaves. Guess she’s not that dumb after all. Yes she is. Scheana and Stassi get into an argument about being friends with Kristen and once again, I’m sad. Stop fighting and kiss and make up, you guys! Stassi is over it and she leaves the party.

Thanks for reading my recap. Let me know what you think in the comments section, or tweet me (@SalvaCam21).


#PumpRules S03E03 “Cutting Ties”

Vanderpump Rules is the sexy spin off The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It’s intense, crazy, sexy, fast-paced, funny, dramatic and all that other good stuff.


We pick up right back where we left off from last week’s episode. Kristen and Tom Sandoval have been suspended and Kristen’s fame-whoring fetus boyfriend has been fired. Thank God. He looks, talks and acts like a douche. Plus, he probably smells like Kristen (stale coffee and cigarettes). I’d just like to say that Lisa’s butt is looking extra plump in those pants. That lady is bootylicious. James and Kristen are out talking about how unfair it is that he’s been fired and clearly he’s panicking because this could put an end to his non-existent reality TV career and put a strain on his so-called DJing career.


Next, we have Stassi having lunch with her dad. She says she feels like she’s in pretty woman in the BH. Hey, if I was on Rodeo Drive, I’d feel like a prostitute in Beverly Hills too. I can totally relate. Stassi reveals that she’s stressed from moving twice in 6 months. Jeez, is she competing with Brandi for how many times she can move? Her dad jokes that he knows she misses Jax. “Gross,” she quickly responds. My sentiments exactly.


Cut to Jax with his therapist. Am I the only who thinks those 2 are banging? Anyone? I feel there’s definitely some sexual tension between those two. If they are, I think she should lose her license. Not for being unethical, but for having bad taste in guys. Jax tells her about his older girlfriend living in Vegas, Tiffany and his much younger girlfriend, Carmen and how he got her name tattooed on his other arm. What a moron.


We’re back to Psycho– I mean Kristen and her fame-whoring fetus boyfriend, James. She’s bitching that Lisa has it out for her. Maybe Lisa just doesn’t like you because you’re a terrible person. Seems more logical to me. But then again, we’re talking about Kristen. After talking about Lisa, she’s talking about Tom and how she’s paying Tom’s bills. Ugh. The fact that all she talks about is Tom when she’s with her fame-whoring fetus boyfriend and he’s okay with it should raise a red flag that he’s only banging her because she’s on a reality show. But then again, she probably sees the red flags and says, “Oh, how pretty.”


Back to Tom Sandoval, who’s at the gym with Tom Schwartz. They’re just as happy as I am that James got fired but sadly, I have a feeling he won’t go away that easily. Fame-whores usually don’t. Of course there’s the obligatory “Have you guys been having sex?” question and sadly there’s nothing but a pile of rain checks on Tom Schwartz and Katie’s bed. That makes me sad.  Fortunately, Tom and Ariana have been having a ton. That feels awkward to write, seeing as Ariana will be my wife some day. Hmm…


Then we’re at Villa Rosa briefly and I swoon every time I see Lisa’s closet. I also get very depressed as well because half of her closet is still bigger than my apartment in Taiwan ever was. Not to mention my current apartment now. Lisa is getting ready for the grand opening at PUMP and she looks amazing.


Stassi visits SUR and her friend Kristina Kelly (is that name for real?) is the first one to welcome her back. Katie follows and they gave her the 4-1-1 on the staff meeting. They make fun of Kristen, yada, yada, yada.


It’s time for the grand opening of PUMP and it is B-E-A-utiful! Lisa definitely outdid herself with this one. Back at SUR, James shows up for work…after being fired. The thirst is real with this one. At the grand opening, we see glimpses of Lisa’s friend Joyce (I miss her!), Pandora and Bobby Trendy. Peter (swoon) checks in with Ken really quick to make sure James was really fired, and he was. Move along James, nobody wants you here. And can you take Kristen with you? Thanks!

Stassi is having a drink at the bar and Scheana comes behind. I really miss their friendship and I wish they’d kiss and make up again. Stassi tells Scheana she was hurt that she tweeted bad things about her but Scheana corrects her and tells her she only re-tweeted bad things about her. And she also made it a point to remind her that Stassi was the one who cut her off so she doesn’t see why she should care.


At SUR, Jax is questioning Kristina about Stassi and Kristina is not giving Jax any useful information and for once I’m liking her. Then Peter takes James out back and fires him, again, and it is glorious. While being fired, Ariana is sitting there, sipping on her drink, watching it all happen, like “But that ain’t none of my business.” and I love it. (Pictured above) As I said in my first blog, Ariana.Is.Everything!

Kristen is working out with her trainer..and talking about Tom Sandoval again. I wish she would have kicked herself in the head. Maybe for once it would shut her up.


Tom and Ariana are at the batting cage. She literally hits every ball while he literally misses every ball. I love those two together. By the way, thanks Ariana for letting us know the proper temperature of balls. See, not only is she cool, she educates. Tom reveals that Kristen has been hounding him about that insurance thing and whatnot. Ariana comes up with the best line of the night, “Kristen is like human spam. I unsubscribe from you and then I get an email saying that I unsubscribed and it’s like ‘Bitch, I unsubscribed so I wouldn’t have to keep getting emails from you!” Amen, boo! Katie and Tom Schwartz are helping Stassi move into her apartment. It looks nice, very spacious. I’m jealous.


Back at SUR, James takes Lisa aside (is he wearing one of Jax’s new chunky sweater from his sweater line?) and begs for his job back. He’s even written a letter to apologize for his actions and I have to say I’m impressed…slightly. He reads the letter and Lisa doesn’t seem phased. She says she’ll think about it and I’m screaming at my screen, “Don’t you do it, Lisa! Don’t!”


Kristen arrives at Tom Sandoval’s apartment with Ariana there. As soon as Kristen walks in I’m scared for Ariana. I’m screaming “Run, boo! RUUUUUUN!” Why? There are 3 different levels of crazy: 1. Crazy, 2. Psycho 3. Kristen. Enough said. Kristen says she’s over Tom as long as she doesn’t have to think about Tom. The problem is, she’s always thinking about Tom and how she can ruin his life. Kristen wants her DVR back to break the ties but Tom is hesitant because he still has stuff on it that he wants to watch. Get Netflix like everybody else. No Kristen baggage guaranteed or your money back. She says it’s hard to watch Ariana in the apartment taking over her old life. No, Kristen, she’s not taking over your old life because 1. She’s actually happy 2. She’s nothing like you and 3. Just shut up. She tries to throw Tom kissing Ariana 3 years ago in their faces again and I’m over it. Ariana is prettier than you, she’s smarter than you, get the fuck over it, Kristen.

Next week’s episode looks interesting. The whole gang is back together for the first time, sans Jax, and it looks explosive! Thanks again for reading! Let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

#RHOBH & #PumpRules

Welcome to my first blog post and thank you for reading! My name is Salvador and I’m a huge fan of The Real Housewives franchises, particularly The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and its sexy spin-off, Vanderpump Rules. While the shows are airing I’ll be recapping each episode and I will do my best to keep it real. Here’s my view of RHOBH and its ensemble cast as well as the cast of Vanderpump Rules. I’ll do another blog about the other cities as I watch all of them.


The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills  was the first out of the franchises I was introduced to. I was a big fan of 90210 and the original Beverly Hills, 90210 and I was very excited to watch real women living in Beverly Hills showcase their lavish homes and luxurious lifestyles for us. After watching the very first episode, I was hooked. Not only did I know I was in love with the show, I knew I was in love with the dynamics of the women as their relationships seemed very authentic. One housewife, in particular, I fell in love with immediately:

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Lisa Vanderpump: I know nobody in life is perfect, but to me, Lisa is pretty damn close to it. She had me at, “My husband calls me a sex object. He says every time he wants sex, I object.” The reason I love her is simple: she has a British sense of humor which is very dry and I get it, because we Belizeans have the same sense of humor. However, what I found the most endearing about her as the show went on, was the love she had for her friends. She was always there for her friends and she always had their backs. (And she never put a knife through it either). Not to mention she had virtually the entire cast turn against her last season and had them crawling back, begging for forgiveness and begging her to be their friend again. I may be a bit biased from time to time when recapping the episodes because she is my favorite housewife of all time but as I said, I’ll keep it 100% real.

Kyle Richards: Initially, Kyle was my second favorite housewife. She seemed very down to Earth and had a sense of family and realness that I found admirable, Then season 2 happened.  After every episode of season 2, I kept getting the feeling that Kyle had let the show gone to her head. She became extremely catty to Brandi and then she joined in the gang up, I’m sorry, gang ups– plural, of Lisa. As hard as she tried to redeem herself every season since then, she kept failing. She never understood that all she had to do was stop talking crap behind Lisa’s back. But hey, hopefully this season they get back on the right track as I did enjoy their friendship. Out of all the women in the group, their friendship seemed the most authentic.

Taylor Armstrong: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. Initially, I did not like Taylor. She seemed to be too caught up in the Beverly Hills lifestyle and would do and put up with anything to maintain that lifestyle. Not only that but she was a constant shit-stirrer on the show. Cut to season two and watching her go through everything that she did broke my heart. I still didn’t like her, but I had a lot of empathy for her, because nobody deserves to be tormented like that. Going into the second  half of season 3, she started to grow on me. She appeared to be in a much better place and started to mend fences with some and wasn’t afraid to call out the lies and hypocrisy of Adrienne and Camille.

Camille Grammer: Well, Camille season 1: pernicious. Need I say more? Okay. In season 1, she was very sneaky, manipulative, arrogant, narcissistic, materialistic, etc. I could go on, but I don’t want to. Season 2 she completely redeemed herself. I thought to myself, “Wow, I hope she pays her PR people handsomely.” Although she was boring, I ended up liking her. In my opinion, after season 2, she should have stopped because she made a complete ass of herself in season 3! But after the disaster that was last season, I’m glad she’s back. I just hope she doesn’t show her ass again, though.

Adrienne Maloof: My first impression of Adrienne was that she was a very level-headed business woman. Her voice annoyed the hell out of me but to me she was harmless. Then in season 2 she was showing a very petty and bitchy side of her that turned me off. Plus she orchestrated the whole gang up of Lisa at the reunion. After that, I was done. Season 3 didn’t help matters either. Like Camille, she made a complete ass of herself and had lied too many times that she couldn’t keep up with the stories she had Bernie leak to the press…allegedly. However, I cannot put the total blame on Adrienne for that fiasco, I put most of the blame on her, but not all of it. Brandi was also at fault for revealing Adrienne’s family secrets.

Kim Richards: Kim, for those who don’t know, is Kyle’s older sister. She’s also a former child star and never lets us forget it. I felt sorry for her in season 1 because I really didn’t think she fit in. She marched to the beat of her own drum and is always rambling. After the hot mess she became in season 2 and after her alcoholism came out, I thought she should have stayed off the show…at least for a while. My instincts were right because last season her storyline was her dog, repeated gossip as if she knew it to be true and even when sober, her perception of reality still seems to be distorted.

Brandi Glanville: When Brandi came on the show in season 2, I thought she was a hoot. I loved her immediately. She was very unfairly treated and the fact that Kyle and Kim refused to own up to their parts for a long time only put me in her corner more. Then in season 3, her friendship with Lisa grew and they were pretty much inseparable.But as the saying goes, “All good things must come to an end.” Last season, Brandi’s ego got so big that it pretty much needed to hold its own diamond in the opening. She was a big bitch to Kyle, Joyce, and got almost everyone to gang up on Lisa because of some bullshit hearsay and she got jealous. She basically told Lisa to fuck off and got sad when Lisa obliged. Make up your mind, Stupid! Now, she spends her time starting fights and she likes to project her qualities onto others. Can someone take away her diamond please? She doesn’t fit in!

Yolanda Foster: Initially I thought Yolanda was boring, and she is. But I still liked her. She had  a lot of opinions and she wasn’t afraid to share them. Sidenote: I’ve never met Yolanda but if I did, I’d imagine she smells like fresh lemons and almonds. My admiration for Yolanda was shot down after she was searching to have a problem with Lisa last season.

Joyce Giraud de Ohoven: Sadly, Joyce was a one season housewife. I’m bummed because I really liked her. She was very sweet and loving and let us know her husband has a big pee-pee which basically makes me want to go to Germany. Plus, she had a very high tolerance for bullshit, which I respect, and wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. And, oh yeah, she sent Brandi running home, crying with her tail between her legs after Brandi tried to pick another fight with her. It’s too bad Bravo rewards bad behavior. I think Joyce had a better future with the group than Brandi.

Carlton Gebbia: I tried liking Carlton,  I really did. I have a fascination of all things Wicca. When I had heard a witch was joining the show for the first time, I was stoked. However, my excitement began to fade away after she seemed to be a miserable, sex crazed witch. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed certain moments where she made Kyle squirm but after a while, I had had enough. Fortunately, she is also a one season housewife.

Lisa Rinna: The only reason I know who she is is because my mom is obsessed with soap operas and I’d use to watch Days of Our Lives with my mom and I’d see her. I like the fact that she has genuine friendships with a lot of the cast members on the show. It makes for an easy transition into the group. Bravo, Bravo, you did good in casting her.

Eileen Davidson: Like LR, the only reason I know who she is is because of my mom. Unfortunately, we have to wait until episode 3 to finally get introduced to her, but from clips that I’ve seen of her, I like her already.

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Vanderpump Rules is the sexy spin-off of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It’s totally different from RHOBH. The cast is much younger, the drama is more intense and fast-paced and it’s focused around Lisa Vanderpump, her restaurant, SUR, and her staff. I absolutely love this show! Thank you, Lisa. Like RHOBH, I do have my favorites and others I loathe.

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Ariana Madix: Ariana is my boo! We’ve tweeted each other a few times and I’m waiting for the day that I get to whisk her away and sail into the Belizean sunset eating ceviche and drinking Caribbean Coconut Rum. We also share a mutual love of hot sauce. Ariana.Is.Everything!

Scheana Marie-Shay: I have to be honest, I tried my best not to like her. To me, I thought of her as nothing more than a mistress. But after watching her on the show and seeing that, unlike Brandi, she has a heart of gold and is actually a good person, I fell in love a little. (Sorry Ariana!) Scheana, I’m sorry I judged you before getting to know you.

Tom Sandoval: After seeing how much shit Tom puts up with when it comes to Kristen, I think he should change his name to Saint Tom. Like Scheana, I see he has a heart of gold and looks for the best in everybody. I mean, the fact that he forgave Jax for banging Kristen (yuck!) shows what a good heart he has. Tom, we love you.

Stassi Schroeder: Watching Stassi on the first season, I never thought anybody could be so vile and cruel in my life. Then season 2 aired and she started to grow on me. I think it’s because she made me laugh a lot more that season. Oh, yeah, she also slapped the shit out of Kristen too. That kind of sealed the deal for me. This season, I see she’s grown up a little bit. Good for her. I’m still bummed her friendship with Scheana didn’t last.

Kristen Doute: Lord have mercy. Where do I begin? The fact that she signed up for a reality show clearly wasn’t enough. She had to insert herself into everybody’s problem too. For God’s sake, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Kristen! She’s the ex of Saint Tom (they were together for 5 years) and banged his best friend of 10 years (twice no less!) Jax and gave him a lot of shit for kissing Ariana 3 years ago. Now that they’ve broken up, she’s more obsessed with him now than when they were together. I don’t want to say she’s psycho– okay yes I do. Kristen, you’re psycho.

Jax Taylor: When I first saw Jax, I thought “Damn! he’s hot!” Then it was revealed that he’s a very shallow, self absorbed, narcissistic, selfish guy. He slept with his best friend’s girlfriend and showed no remorse for it. He said that he did Saint Tom a favor and honestly, I have to agree. Jax is trying to redeem himself this season. Good luck with that.

Katie Maloney: I really like Katie. I think she’s sweet and pretty. However, when she’s drunk, look out. It’s a whole other Katie coming out. Love her or hate her, she’s loyal to her friend Stassi, which is an admirable quality, considering Stassi isn’t the easiest of people to be friends with. She’s also dating Tom Shwartz, who’s pretty damn adorable.

Peter Madrigal: Peter is bae. Enough said.

Tom Schwartz: He’s Katie’s boyfriend and he seems to be the sweetest boyfriend anyone can have. He admits to being attracted to Lisa (hey, the guy has great taste)! He’s very loyal to his friends and tries to do the right thing, when he’s not getting into bar brawls. But in his defense, he was backing up his friend, which is what you should do, ergo, he always does the right thing. =)

From sipping rosé at Villa Rosa at sunset, to going shirtless, preparing for battle, the reality TV gods have given us the gifts that are The Real Housewives and Vanderpump Rules. Thanks again for reading!