#PumpRules S03E11 “Tears Over Miami” Recap

It’s week eleven of Vanderpump Rules and this is probably my favorite episode so far. Why? Because Jax’s past is finally catching up with him and biting him in the ass. Unfortunately, the passive aggressive bullshit Kristen has been spewing at Ariana has taken its toll on her.


So without further ado, let’s get into it, shall we?

Screenshot (253)

It’s the day after and they’re all hungover. They’re all recounting what they did the night before and here’s what happened: Vail was flirting and grinding with Jax all night. She thinks that he’s just a lovable idiot.


No, Vail. He’s just an idiot. There’s nothing lovable about him. Although John may beg to differ. Who’s John you ask? Keep reading and you’ll find out. Back to what they did: Scheana did everything on her checklist, the guys were being guys and Schwartz and Katie had a great time and the trip really help put their relationship back on track, although it put a strain on Stassi and Katie’s friendship. But, as Schwartz says, “If something like this can break them up then maybe that relationship wasn’t worth having in the first place.” Touché.

Screenshot (254)

Stassi is at her house and Kristina Kelly comes over. They’re both talking shit and making fun of Scheana and everybody there. Hey, girls, before you start making fun of people, you may want to fix yourselves, and your lives first. And if you’re going to prance around and tell everyone that you’ve grown up, Stassi, you may want to actually grow up first.

Screenshot (255)

Tom goes over to his old friend’s place, John, to catch up and invite him out to dinner with the group later. Ah, the sweet smell of karma is in the air. John is a friend of Jax– I mean Jason– and Tom’s from when they were living and modeling in Miami together. John is gay and he and Jax were close, until they had a falling out and Jax moved to LA and changed his name from Jason to Jax. Hmm, lovers quarrel perhaps?

Screenshot (256)

Over at Scheana’s hotel room, her and Ariana are having a toilet paper wedding dress competition. Kristen shows up forty minutes late fresh from drinking and banging. Gross. Ariana is clearly uncomfortable and Scheana is oblivious to it because she’s trying to pretend everyone is liking each other for the sake of her. I wish she would snap out of it and kick Kristen off this trip and out of the group. Kristen’s throwing more shade and I just want my friend, who’s watching with me (and a girl), to grab Kristen through the screen and slap the crazy hoe-ness out of her.


Scheana decides that Kristen will be the judge for the competition. Yeah, that’s smart. Get someone who’s biased against your competitor. Of course Scheana won.

Screenshot (257)

Everybody is at the pool having fun. Shay arrives and they start the slow clap. Katie and Schwartz’s relationship is obviously healing and doing better. I’m glad. Vail continues her flirting with Jax and she asks him what’s the longest he’s gone without sex. About four or five days. “Oh, my God! I think you might have a sex addiction,” Vail says. Jax’s response?


It’s kind of common knowledge, Vail. Even the people who don’t know Jax know this.

Screenshot (258)

Stassi visits SUR and catches up with Lisa for a little bit. She tells her about all the tricks she used to do when she was still a waitress there. Basically camouflaging her drink to make it look like water, or mixing it with coffee and the ever popular, hiding it in the bathroom, where she actually found someone else’s stash. Yeah, I don’t think the SURvers will be getting away with these tricks anymore.

Screenshot (259)

It’s dinner time and everybody is there except for Tom and Ariana. Ariana breaks down on the way there because she’s reached her breaking point with Kristen. Tom holds her and cries along with her. He’s such a good boyfriend. He’s not afraid to get in touch with his emotional side. I need a boyfriend like him.

Afterwards, Tom tells Ariana about Jax and John and it is scandalous. I’m living for it. I don’t doubt that Jax has slept with guys. Like Ariana says, “Jax will sleep with anything. He did sleep with Kristen.”

Screenshot (260)

They arrive at dinner and Kristen’s entire demeanor changes. Whatever. John shows up soon after and Jax looks alert. They talk about how Jax used to sleep in John’s room and John still has a picture of Jax naked in his house. Um, what?

Screenshot (261)

Lisa and Stassi are having a drink and Stassi is telling Lisa about how much she’s grown up and she doesn’t want to surround herself with people who are a bad influence on her. And by bad influence she means people who will not blow smoke up her ass and won’t tell her the truth. One of those bad influences, however, happen to be Katie. She feels betrayed that Katie went to the bachelorette party and Lisa reminds her that she went to be with her boyfriend much like Stassi went to New York to be with hers.

Screenshot (262)

Vail is trying to get information out of him while Jax is in the bathroom but John insists on the “bro code.” Uh, since when has Jax respected the bro code? Besides, I thought they had a falling out and hated each other. I guess after all these years, they’re still in love with each other…well maybe John is still in love with Jax. We all know Jax only loves Jax.

Screenshot (263)

Everyone heads to the club and they’re all having fun, except Katie, who misses her best friend. She goes to a quiet place and calls Stassi. Stassi barely answers the phone and is ice cold to Katie. Katie, you deserve much better than her. Cut her out of your life and move on. You were a good friend to her– correction; you were a better friend to her than she was to you, as Lisa points out.

Lisa tries to reason with Stassi but Lisa is not saying anything Stassi wants to hear so she yells at Lisa and storms out. Why? Because she has no argument. Ooh, I hope Lisa puts this heifer in her place because she is the most entitled, selfish, piece of shit I’ve ever seen (second to Kristen).

Kristen and James are sitting down and James goes to get another drink. Tom sees this as the perfect opportunity to pull Kristen aside and talk to her. Kristen immediately starts with the water works.


Tom is basically trying to tell her that they can’t be together because they’re relationship is too toxic but doesn’t want to tell her that she’s the toxic one. He breaks down crying and tells her that he cares about her and that whatever he’s doing with Ariana is not to hurt her. He wants her to be happy. Tom promises he will be cool with James and wants her to try and do the same with Ariana. The entire purpose of this conversation is so they can get some closure and to stop Kristen from torturing Ariana– at least that was the point of it for Tom. What was the point of it for Kristen? That this was Tom’s way of telling her that they have a chance of getting back together if he wasn’t with Ariana. So now Kristen will make it her mission– again– to break them up.


Ariana and Tom, run!

Screenshot (264)

It’s time to leave. Scheana says that when he was drunk, Jax admitted to kissing John lots of time. The question isn’t if they kissed, it’s where they’ve been kissing each other and what else they’ve been doing? Gross, never mind. I don’t want to know.

I have to say, this episode has raised a few questions for me. Jax says that he came from “Middle America” to the modeling world that he perceived as “for homosexuals only” and thanks John for his nonexistent “modeling career.” He says that without him, he wouldn’t be where he is. Let’s break that down. They lived together and slept in the same room. Jax admitted to kissing John multiple times. They both got into a huge fight and never spoke to each other again, leaving Jax to move to LA and changed his name. Is John the reason why Jax is so…whorish? They do say that gay guys in denial sleep with a lot of women to prove to themselves that they’re not gay. I’m just saying. Jax always seems to be at his happiest around guys…

In next week’s episode, there’s more of Kristen plotting to break Tom and Ariana up and Katie finally stands up to Stassi and puts her in her place.

What do you think of this week’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.


#PumpRules S03E10 “Bachelorette Beach Party” Recap

This has been a rather tumultuous season, to say the least. A lot of drama, a lot of tears, a lot of fun and a lot of gossip.

Screenshot (228)

Everybody’s packing and getting ready to go to Miami. Jax got stitches on his head because he’s an idiot and because Karma bit him in the ass– or in this case, smacked him on the head. Tom and Ariana are annoyed that Kristen and James are going to Miami with them and I’m with ya. Ariana is just worried that Kristen will spoil the trip by trying to cause drama. There’s no need for Kristen to try, she is drama– and a terrible excuse for a human being.

Screenshot (229)

We’re in Miami, bitch! Sorry, I had to. This episode was meant for that. So Vail’s expectations and hopes for this trip is to not get arrested. I’d say that sounds about right. They arrive at their hotel and Jax, James and Kristen ruined the whole rooming situation. Scheana’s hotel suite looks amazing! Poor Sandoval and Schwartz have a tiny room with one bed and the three of them have to share thanks to Jax’s cheap ass. If I were Sandoval, I’d book another room and take Schwartz with me so that Jax can be alone, because, let’s be honest, no one in this group wants to sleep with Jax– except maybe Vail… and Kristen.

Jax goes to take a shower and he literally has the ugliest and flattest ass I’ve ever seen in my life. Get some butt implants, dude. Scheana calls Lisa to thank her for the champagne and the room. Like I said, I would love to have Lisa as a boss.

Screenshot (230)

Over at PUMP, Lisa is waiting for Pandora to arrive. Pandora is helping Lisa out by managing PUMP until she can find a new manager. Pandora is definitely her mother’s daughter. She is definitely a boss. This side of Pandora actually scares me a little. He he.

Screenshot (231)

Everyone meets up for dinner. Scheana says that she loves how Tom and Ariana didn’t plan to wear matching outfits but they totally are. Kristen is clearly jealous and tries to throw shade but fails…miserably. Much like her life.

Sidenote: I know I sound so mean when I recap Vanderpump Rules but that’s because I’ve never seen anyone on television that annoys the hell out of me like Jax and Kristen. If they are not fired after this season, this may be my first and last season recapping and possibly watching. I love you, Lisa, but these two have got to go.

Ariana reads tasks for them to do while they’re in Miami. Okay, I didn’t think it was possible to love her any more than I already do, but it turns out, I was wrong. LOVE HER. Scheana tries to make a speech and drags Stassi into it only to find out that Stassi has stopped talking to Katie for going on the bachelorette trip. Stassi needs to actually grow the fuck up instead of telling everybody that she’s grown the fuck up.

Scheana then asks Jax why Tiffany wasn’t there and he’s making up lies. Vail wants to know if he and Tiffany are off again. For God’s sake, Vail! You’re the only one who cares about Jax! I guess, she’ll have to find out for herself why nobody likes him. He says that he told her not to come. Katie asks if it has anything to do with San Diego and he says yes. He immediately gets defensive because he has something to hide and threatens to pick on everyone at the table. You already have, dumbass.

Screenshot (232)

Back at the hotel, Vail is following Jax around and flirting with him and prying into his business. I liked her at first, but I’m over her. She’s clearly setting herself up for drama and pain.

Over at PUMP, Pandora is managing the place and she is clearly not happy with Lisa for making her miss the bachelorette party. Also, who knew that Pandy was such a sassy pants? I guess she got it from her mama. See what I did there?

Screenshot (233)

The next day Vail and Katie are talking about the night before. Vail was wasted and had no idea how she even got to bed. Katie warns her of his pattern of how he acts when he has a girlfriend and is trying to sleep with someone else. Vail says that Jax is calling himself a bad person and she feels sorry for him. Katie tells her that he is right and Vail feels bad. Everyone should stop warning Vail because this woman has to find out for herself why Jax is a bad person.


Screenshot (234)

It’s time to get on the boat. It looks like a ton of fun. Ariana is of course, giving Scheana a twerking lap dance as she should. It’s starting to rain and Jax is the only one in the water. They’re pretending to leave him– I wish they would. On the boat, Jax admits he’s been texting his ex-girlfriend, Carmen and his current girlfriend, Tiffany. Basically being the piece of shit that he is. He also invited both of them to Miami.

Screenshot (235)

It’s time for dinner and everyone left the hotel, leaving James behind. Shay is the only one who cares. There’s a dinner for guys only and the other for only the girls. Katie thanks Scheana for including her on the trip and is happy that they are both in a better place now. Wow, they really are doing the tasks that Ariana gave them to do, including signing a stranger’s ass. I have to say, for a cute guy, the stranger had a not so cute ass– though it was better than Jax’s.

Screenshot (236)

Back at PUMP, Lisa and Pandora have a very nice and heartwarming mother-daughter talk. Lisa says that she knows she could never find someone who has the same taste as her and thirst for perfection so she created her. Literally.

Screenshot (237)

Back at the guys’s dinner, Sandoval calls Jax out for banging a bootleg chick in their bathroom and Jax is denying it. Of course he is. James is texting the entire conversation to Kristen and she’s giving that evil, creepy grin, like a pervert. She is happy about this because according to Kristen logic, Jax will get backed into a corner and reveal the “truth” about Tom cheating on Ariana in Miami.


Kristen excuses herself and heads to the bathroom and Vail basically swipes her phone and reads the conversation to everyone. Okay, I love Vail again. She tells them about Jax railing a girl in the bathroom. Kristen comes back and it is awkward. And by awkward I mean hilarious. Scheana tries to get information out of Kristen and Kristen is pretending that everything is fine. This girl is so full of shit and everyone knows it.

Sandoval is calling out Jax again and Jax is getting more and more defensive and is trying to deflect by calling out Sandoval and Schwartz’s “cheating.” Sandoval heads to the bar and Jax follows. Jax tells him that he and Schwartz are like his brothers but yet he continues to fuck them over. But then again, they are the ones who keep him around so it’s like they’re asking for it.

Next week’s episode looks juicy. Rumors about Jax’s past with a guy comes to light. I’ll be honest, I’ve been hearing those rumors for years ever since Pump Rules started.

What did you all think about this week’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

#PumpRules S03E08 “Mind The Jax” Recap

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and New Year. So sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my recaps. Things have been crazy busy lately and I finally have some down time to catch up on the recaps. Let’s get down to it, shall we?

Screenshot (212)

Lisa is having a meeting at Villa Blanca with the executive chef there. She admits that she has dropped the ball a bit with Villa Blanca due to the stress of opening PUMP. After the meeting she runs into Jax. Jax inquires about Vail and Lisa immediately warns him to stay away from her. Lisa could care less who he sleeps with as long as it’s not somebody working at SUR. I have an idea, Lisa, fire the piece of shit that is known as Jax, and fire Kristen and her fetus fame whoring boyfriend, James as well!

Next, I see James and Kristen and Scheana and Shay together and I’m skipping it. I love Scheana but not enough for me to burn my eyes watching Kristen. Just writing about her has me smelling cigarettes and stale coffee. Yuck.

Screenshot (213)

Stassi, Katie, Kristina, Dani and Vail get together for dinner. Stassi wants to take Vail under her wing and teach her who to like and hate at SUR. Sidenote: I’m over Stassi. I used to like her, I thought she was funny, but she’s nothing more than an ungrateful, spoiled, selfish, entitled bitch.

Vail tells them that she studied architecture at Princeton and they are all shocked. As was I. Them trying to get to know her is coming across as an interrogation and Vail is clearly uncomfortable. Jeez, these girls are giving LA women a bad look. In fact, they give women in general a bad look.

Vail tells Katie that she doesn’t understand what Jax did to her and her boyfriend and Katie informs her about the lie Jax created. Stassi, in her confessional, says that she believes Schwartz is guilty. Way to be a good friend. Bitch.

Screenshot (214)

Before her shift, Katie decides to have a talk with Lisa at PUMP about Jax. She tells Lisa about everything that Jax has said and done. She wants Lisa to move Jax over to PUMP. Again, she should fire Jax instead. He’s creating a hostile work environment and that’s unacceptable. He was only hired because Stassi begged Lisa to give him a job anyway. And it’s not like he’s good at it.

Lisa asks Katie that if she were to give Schwartz an ultimatum between her and Jax, who does she think he would choose. She says she believes he would choose Jax. That says a lot. If that’s the case, dump him. Lisa gets to the root of the problem; that it’s not really Jax, it’s the fact that he consistently lets her down.

Katie breaks down and I want to hug her, but Lisa does it for me. Thanks Lisa! “Sometimes we know what to do, we just don’t want to do it,” Lisa assures Katie. Wise words, Lisa.

Oh look, James and Kristen again. Skipping.


Screenshot (215)

Katie and Schwartz go to couples therapy. Good for them. I like them as a couple but I think Schwartz has got to get his shit together. Schwartz is starting off with a joke and Katie is annoyed. It’s time to be serious, Schwartz.

Schwartz admitted that he takes her for granted and doesn’t give her the love she deserves. He also says that he felt the need to hide things from her because he built up a wall around her and it’s affected the way he’s treated her. Good for him for recognizing that.

Katie admits to feeling insecure because they also don’t have sex and she doesn’t know if he’s attracted to her anymore. He vows to be more open and affectionate towards her. Hopefully things work out in their favor. I’m rooting for y’all!

Screenshot (216)

Scheana and Jax head over to Sandoval’s apartment. Somehow Sandoval has nail polish on him and it won’t come off. LOL.


Jax and his girlfriend broke up but he lies to Scheana and Tom saying that they didn’t. Tom pulls up the text Jax sent them saying that they broke up. Um, what’s the point of lying about that? Oh wait, it’s Jax. He lies about everything.

Vail calls Jax and asks him if he and Tiffany got back together. Scheana is surprised that he told Vail and he invites her out to coffee. For someone who graduated from Princeton, Vail isn’t that smart. Everybody and their grandma knows to stay away from Jax. Scheana tells Sandoval that James wants to talk to him because he doesn’t understand how he can forgive Jax but not James. I don’t understand it either. I say cut ’em both loose. This leads into Tom rehashing everything and Jax looks so uncomfortable talking about this and I love it.


Tom says that the reason he doesn’t want James in his life is because he is dating the one person that’s the most destructive in his life. Here, here!

Screenshot (217)

Lisa is making the rounds at SUR. Peter is on my screen. Swoon! Katie passes by and Lisa pulls her over to have a little talk. She asks how they are doing and Katie is happy to report that she had a breakthrough with Schwartz. Katie thanks her for the advice. I would love to work for Lisa. She’d be the best boss ever.

Vail is working and Scheana pops in to say hello. Of course it’s the perfect opportunity to gossip about Jax. Vail confirms that Jax texted her about his breakup. Vail is confused as to why Jax would lie about that. Girl, don’t question it, just accept that Jax is a pathological liar.

Screenshot (218)

Stassi is babysitting her friends’, Jen and Jeremy, baby boy, Kingston. That little boy is too adorable for words. I could just pinch his cheeks all day. They put him in Stassi’s clothes along with Schwartz and they play “Who Wore it Better?” Kingston wore it better. Duh.

Screenshot (219)

Vail meets up with Jax over lunch and like my friend (@gangstagay) says: “Vail…oda mae brown

It’s hard to focus on this scene because all I’m seeing is that cold sore on Jax’s upper lip. Gross! Vail calls him out on his lies and I love it. But when it comes to Jax, I still think she’s….naive, to put it nicely.

Screenshot (220)

At SUR, James pulls Tom aside to talk. Lord, why? James wants to rehash things so that they can put it to bed and Tom is clearly over it and him. Kristen is lurking around as usual. Tom is confused because he thought that they both agreed to go back to the way things were: ignoring each other.

Sandoval is giving James the run down on how Kristen operates and James is getting angry. Why? It’s not like you actually like Kristen. You’re just banging her to be on the show, fool. Oh, right. You have to keep up pretenses. James tells Tom that he’s annoyed that he always has to hear Kristen talk about him and clearly that is his problem, not Tom’s. It’s not Tom’s fault that he will always be second best when it comes to Kristen. Maybe it’s third best, because she did bang Jax a second time, so clearly he can’t be that bad. Yuck.

Kristen then decides to talk Tom about their argument. Once again, she tries to insinuate that Sandoval cheated on her with Ariana by banging her. Um, no honey, they banged after you broke up. Deal with it. Besides, weren’t you the one who banged Jax twice and had an emotional and physical affair with some other dude while you were very much in a relationship with Tom?


I’m so over this girl. I think she needs to be fired and committed to a psychiatric facility for the rest of her days. Until then,


Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought of this episode in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

#PumpRules S03E07 “New Girl, Old Grudges” Recap

Once again, sorry for the late posts. Christmas time is one of my busiest times of the year so I hope you all are baring with me. It’s week 7 of Vanderpump Rules and I’m sick of Jax and Kristen. Yeah, what’s new, right?

Screenshot (156)

We’re picking up right back where we left off: at Stassi’s apartment and Shcwartz comes to surprise Katie with another apology and a bouquet of flowers. It’s a sweet gesture, given the conversation they were having. Stassi immediately goes on the attack and starts chastising Schwartz. I get what he did was shitty, but these people need to stay out of their friends’ relationships. Schwartz stands up for himself and Stassi kicks him out. Yep, I knew that was going to happen. Stassi, you’re getting predictable! No bueno.

Screenshot (157)

There’s a new girl at SUR. Her name is Vail. She’s a Princeton graduate. She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and sweet. Lisa warns her to stay away from Jax. Vail, listen to me, heed Lisa’s advice.

Screenshot (158)

Katie and Shwartz are out on a date. I love these two together. Though they have their moments, they compliment each other well, in my opinion. Tom realizes that he needs to be a better boyfriend and he believes that they can work through it and will become stronger as a couple. Here’s hoping! Katie says that although him admitting that he made out with somebody hurt her, she can move past it. And I’m happy, because making out with somebody once when you’re drunk, in my opinion, is not enough to break up a relationship.

Screenshot (159)

It’s Gay Pride!! And I’m totally disappointed that Peter isn’t shirtless. What gives, Lisa… Aside from Kristen and Jax. SURprisingly, SUR isn’t as busy as usual on Gay Pride. Probably because everybody’s at PUMP.

At PUMP, Stassi pays Schwartz a visit and is trying to chastise him again. Girl, get a new shtick, this one’s getting old. Yes, Schwartz messed up. But he does not have to prove himself to you as he is not dating you. If Katie is willing to move past it, so should you. Move on. Stop harping on it ya damn harpy!

Kristen is talking to her fame whore fetus boyfriend, James, about Sandoval. James is annoyed that all Kristen wants to talk to him about is Tom. Tom this. Tom that. Uh, you knew what you signed up for, buddy! Don’t get annoyed now. Scheana tries to throw a little bit of shade at Lisa. Bad move, girl.

Stassi’s now at SUR and Guillermo makes a cameo! Yay, I love Guillermo. He’s sweet, charming and sexy as hell. Although I would never cheat on Peter, have you guys heard Guillermo’s accent? Swoon!

Jax goes to PUMP to visit Shwartz. Skipping! I can’t stand watching any of Jax’s segments. He’s a repulsive human being.

Kristen tries to confront Ariana. Saying that it’s deja vu because it was that time of year when she asked if she was banging Tom while they were dating. She’s being really nasty to Ariana, claiming that Tom is cheating on her like he did with her. I wish Ariana would take one of the Villa Blanca bottles and break it on Kristen’s head. But that would be too good for Kristen. I think Kristen should be locked up in a padded cell for the rest of her days.


Stassi meets Vail briefly and starts throwing shade immediately. Though I don’t condone her shade throwing at Scheana (because I want them to put their egos aside and make up) it was pretty funny. “Oh, my God. Scheana looked like 2 butterflies landed on her eyelashes and shit a crayon.”


At Kristen’s– I mean James’– apartment, she’s getting ready to pick up the rest of her stuff at Tom’s apartment. Seriously? I thought she got all her shit the last time? James is annoyed that she’s getting all dolled up and I’m laughing. Out of all the reality TV stars he could have bedded to enhance his career, he chooses Kristen. Yeah, say goodbye to your DJ career.

Screenshot (160)

At Sandoval’s apartment, he has Schwartz there as a witness. Good thinking. See why I love Sandoval? He’s not just looks, he’s also got brains. Kristen shows up with her tits hanging out.


Sandoval reminds her that she’s been kicked out 6 months ago and he shouldn’t be getting any of her stuff. She’s trying to start an argument and Schwartz shuts her down. Yay! #TeamSchwardoval!

Sandoval confronts her about what she said to Ariana at SUR and again, I wish somebody would hit Kristen over the head with a bottle, knocking her ass out cold, and surprising her when she wakes up by locking her in a padded cell. Kristen calls him babe.


Super awky! Yes, bitch, we know you’re not over him. We know you’re never going to be over him. And most importantly, we know your thirsty ass called him babe on purpose. There was nothing accidental about it. There’s a reason why you’re still a waitress, it’s because you’re not a good enough actress. And scene!

Kristen tries to accuse Sandoval of banging Ariana behind her back…again. Girl, it didn’t happen. You’re the only one who believes that. I’m done with this… psycho. Kristen tells Tom that she wants him to be happy but she fails to realize that he’s only ever truly happy when he’s away from her. So, if you want him to be happy, leave him alone and go bang your fame whoring fetus boyfriend while you can because you know it’s just a matter of time before he dumps your psychotic ass.

Screenshot (161)

Ariana shows up (Yay!) and you can clearly see a change in Sandoval’s demeanor immediately. When he’s around Kristen, he gets very sulky, sad and angry. When he’s with Ariana, his face lights up like a Christmas tree. Again, this is awkward, considering Ariana will be my wife one day.

Screenshot (162)

Vail shows up at SUR to meet with Lisa. She says that she was a soap opera actress who lost her way after she got addicted to drugs. She’s now sober and is trying to get back on her feet. Good for her. I respect that. She tells Lisa that she tries to avoid people who will steer her down the wrong path again and Lisa warns her about Jax again. Run, Vail, run!

Screenshot (163)

Katie, Stassi and Kristina Kelly (I still don’t think that’s a real name) are out baking a cake for Peter’s birthday. Katie basically tells them about her talk with Schwartz on their date. Stassi really went from “Queen Bee” of the group to irrelevant outsider who’s quickly getting on my nerves. Once again, Stassi’s trying to impose her rules and her beliefs on another couple’s relationship. Girl, do you not see you’re doing the same thing that Jax is trying to do? The only difference is, she’s doing it in a less evil way than Jax is.

Oy vey, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of this season. Maybe I should be drinking when I watch this show. No, I don’t want to die from alcohol poisoning. What did you think of this episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

Merry Christmas guys! Wishing you all a fun, safe Christmas with all of your loved ones.

#PumpRules S03E06 “Kiss And Tell” Recap

It’s week six of the intoxicating show that is Vanderpump Rules and so far my disgust for Kristen and Jax has only grown stronger. I don’t get how these two have friends. They are the most disgusting and pathetic excuse for people I have ever had the displeasure of watching. With that said, let’s get into it, shall we?


At Katie and Tom Shwartz’s apartment, Katie is doing Tom’s hair for a modeling job that he got. Stassi comes over and Katie downloads Stassi about the fight between her and Jax and how Tom basically sat back and did nothing while his girlfriend was under attack. Tom’s trying to justify his actions– or lack thereof– by trying to put some of the blame on Katie and Stassi’s like…


Stassi says that Jax is truly the most horrible person that ever existed and I’m surprised she forgot about Kristen. She also says that she feels a bit offended that Shwartz keeps defending Jax. I concur.


Kristen is over at Scheana’s apartment and they’re both talking shit about Katie. I don’t know what’s been going on with Scheana but I’ve been disappointed in her lately. Trash talking is very unbecoming of you, Scheana. Stop it. I guess Kristen is having a stronger influence on her than she realizes.


Kristen sends Stassi a text and asks if they can meet up to have a talk. Really? If I were Stassi I wouldn’t have replied to her. I would’ve had her number blocked along with Jax’s. But she’s hoping Kristen will give her a genuine apology. Didn’t she do that at the finale and the reunion? Anyway, it would be nice to see again. Katie tells Stassi that she hears Kristen is going around saying that she wants to “take Katie down.” I don’t doubt it, that girl is sick and twisted.


Over at PUMP, Lisa is having a meeting and is planning a “50 gay mayors” party at PUMP. She says it’s a chance for all the gay mayors to come together…not literally. Love her sense of humor. She calls Tom and Tom over and tells them that they’ll be tray passing at the party. Sandoval is mortified and Shwartz is looking relieved, like in his head he’s saying, “Yes! Finally, something I can do!” Sandoval says that he’ll do it if Jax does it and so Lisa says Jax will do it. Good.


Finally, Kristen and Stassi meet up. It’s awkward. Kristen sort of apologizes and Stassi immediately goes to Katie’s defense. She confronts her about wanting to take Katie down. Of course, she denies it and deflects by bringing up another rumor that she “knows for a fact” because someone told her and she didn’t actually see it happen with her own eyes: Shwartz cheated on Katie in Vegas with Jax’s girlfriend’s friend. Um, haven’t these guys learned by now that Vegas is their enemy when they’re in relationships? What happens in Vegas clearly doesn’t stay there when it comes to this group.

Jax is at his therapy session and I’m skipping it. I can’t stomach that…male. I can’t even call him a man because in my opinion, he’s not a man, he’s a…



Katie is getting ready for work and Stassi drops by to deliver the news that Kristen had told her, that Shwartz had sex with a girl in Vegas, as told by Jax, and he made out with some girl when he was drunk, as told by Scheana. Scheana is getting pretty messy. Katie doesn’t believe it and is planning on confronting Jax at SUR. Do it, girl! Stassi also doesn’t believe it, but she’s being realistic when she says, “If you’re going to hang around shitty people, pretty soon you’re going to start doing shitty things.” Touché.


At SUR, Kristen goes to talk to Jax to make sure the rumors she has been spreading is accurate, and of course, Jax is back peddling. Um, I don’t know about you guys, but I never saw that coming. (I’m being sarcastic, JSYK). Jax says that he wish he could see Schwartz banging a girl in front of Katie– that will make his life, apparently. Is he related to Aviva Drescher’s dad, Geroge? They’re both disgusting perverts.

Katie confronts Jax about spreading the rumors and he says that he never said Schwartz had sex with a girl in Vegas because he “didn’t see it with his own eyes.” If I took a shot for every time Jax said that, I’d die from alcohol poisoning. Katie then confronts Kristen out back and Kristen redirects her to Jax and Scheana as the two sources of these rumors. Katie tells her that Jax believes that she wants to take down their relationship as well and the look on Kristen’s face is priceless. Who to believe? The messy liar, or the messier liar? Hmm…

Scheana arrives and Kristen asks Scheana in front of Katie if she said that Schwartz kissed another girl and she said yes. It happened a year or two ago. Kristen says that she believes Schwartz is a good guy but believes that he cheated on Katie. Of course, she’s trying to get as much company as she can. The gutter must be so lonely.

Schwartz then shows up and Katie confronts him about the rumors. He comes clean about making out with a girl a year or two ago. I’m shocked. I really did not see that one coming. Katie immediately breaks down and all I want to do is jump through my screen and hug her. After, he tells Jax to come out and Jax starts attacking Katie once again and Tom apologizes to Jax.


WTF?! Schwartz, get your head out of Jax’s ass! It’s not a hat!


Lisa’s in her office with Ken and she gets a visit from Sham Ibrahim, a very talented artist. Some of his art work is on Lisa’s walls. They’re stunning. I want a portrait done by him!


Schwartz goes over to Jax’s apartment to confront him about the night at SUR. Jax admits that he told Kristen he cheated on Katie only because he believes that Katie’s a bad person and is trying to “save” Tom from that relationship. Did I mention Jax was a low-life bitch? Finally Schwartz is defending Katie and putting Jax in his place. Wait, what’s that? Oh, it’s a little bit of the respect I had for Schwartz creeping back. Finally he grew a pair and stood up for his lady.


It’s party time at PUMP and one of my favorite housewives of Miami makes an appearance: Lea Black! Granted we only see her for a half of a second through a phone screen, but still… yay! Schwartz and Sandoval have a talk before Jax arrives. Poor Schwartzy hasn’t slept because of Jax’s messiness. He tells Sandoval that Jax basically said he was planting seeds because of his hatred for Katie. Tom, Tom and Jax change into PUMP uniforms and starts tray passing. It’s hilarious.


Stassi says that she doesn’t want to compare Jax and Schwartz because it’s an insult to Schwartz. Indeed it is. But we’ve both come to the conclusion that it’s sad that he did it and our radars were off a little bit. Katie is pretty much done with Jax and she’s all…


Stassi believes that Katie should stand up for herself and her relationship so that she can move forward. I agree. Kristina says that she believes the admission of the make out will lead to Schwartz admitting he slept with that girl in a few weeks. I’m like…


Katie says they had a serious talk and he said that he was going through a period where he was very doubtful and unhappy in their relationship and she asked him if he ever sees them getting married. She feels like years from now he still won’t be ready when she is and she’s wondering if it’s because he’s just not that in love with her. I’m truly sad and heartbroken for her. The pain on her face is evident. Stassi tells her that she doesn’t want to see them break up but she needs to stand up for herself. Yes, Stassi, we get it. She gets it. Stop and just be there for your friend. Schwartz comes in with a bouquet of flowers and the episode ends.

All in all, it was an emotionally exhausting episode. I would’ve liked to see a bit more Ariana and a lot less of Jax and Kristen scheming to screw people over. But, hey, in life, we can’t always get what we want.

What are your thoughts about last night’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

#PumpRules S03E05 “In The Doghouse” Recap

We’re back to another episode of Vanderpump Rules. This is the most dysfunctional group of “friends” I have ever seen.

Screenshot (77)

Ariana and Tom Sandoval meet Tom Shwartz at the Bark ‘N Bitches pet store. He’s planning on getting a dog for Katie to delay him from proposing. Tom tells them that Katie wants to have a baby, but I’m pretty sure she’s not going to get that baby until Tom Swhartz gets his shit together.

Screenshot (78)

Stassi meets up with Lisa at SUR and Scheana is their waitress. Awkward. Scheana is giving major attitude to Stassi and Lisa reminds her that Stassi is the customer. Stassi tells her, “I don’t actually know what I’ve done to you but I’ll have a Pinot Grigio.”


Like Lisa said, they both need to check their egos at the door because they were better friends than enemies. Lisa also tells Stassi that she wants her to be her stylist for a photo shoot that she’s doing at PUMP so that Stassi can add that to her résumé. Did I mention that Lisa is the best boss ever?

Jax is at the doctor for his nose and I’m skipping it. I’m eating and I don’t need to see anything gross. It’s already bad enough that I have to watch Kristen while I’m eating.

Screenshot (79)

Stassi and Katie are hanging out at Katie’s apartment and Tom tries to surprise Katie with their new baby by having the dog go in first (like Lisa did with Giggy in Paris) but fails when the dog decides to go his own way. Cute. The look on Katie’s face when she sees the dog is priceless. They’re so cute together.

Screenshot (80)

Lisa and Ken are having dinner at SUR and Kristen (ugh) is their waitress. Lisa’s not too happy to see her. I share the same sentiments as you, LIsa. So fire her already! Lisa lets her know that if she screws up one more time, she’s out. I hope she means it this time. This girl is bringing this show down. Jax arrives with his bandage on his nose– anything for attention. Katie approaches him and inquires about how he’s doing and he’s acting like a bitch. To quote my least favorite RHOC, Tamra, “You are a man, not a woman. Act like one.”

After Katie leaves, Scheana comes to the bar to gossip with her good girlfriend, Jax. They start talking shit about Katie and I’m disappointed in Scheana. I want the Scheana from season 1 to come back. Scheana says that couples should aspire to be like her and Shay. Girl, let me give you some words of advice: a little humility goes a long way. Stop acting like your shit doesn’t stink, ‘kay?

Then Jax goes to talk with Kristen about Katie and how she motor-boated some guy’s crotch. Um, you two are the most disgusting out of the group, so why are you even talking?

Screenshot (81)

Stassi arrives at Villa Rosa to help Lisa get ready for her photo shoot. Lisa is doing her hair while Stassi is picking out the accessories to go with Lisa’s outfits. She’s also Giggy’s stylist for the day.

Screenshot (82)

Ariana, Tom Sandoval, Scheana, Shay, Peter (swoon) and Jax are at a rooftop pool party and I want to join…with just Ariana, Tom, Scheana and Peter. Jax starts talking about how Schwartz isn’t there because Katie doesn’t like Scheana and Jax. Really? I swear, Jax is the biggest bitch on this show. I think he’s aspiring to be the new Regina George.

Screenshot (83)

At PUMP, Lisa is doing her photo shoot and Stassi is acting like an ingrate. She says that Lisa isn’t paying her for the shoot. Girl, she hired you for this show. I’m pretty sure that check trumps the check you would have gotten to pick out her accessories. Be grateful. She’s helping you out with experience and you got to network with the photographer. Also, remember, when you’re planning on networking, always have some business cards ready.

Screenshot (84)

Jax and Tom Sandoval visit Tom Shwartz at his apartment since he didn’t go to the pool party. Jax immediately starts attacking Katie in front of him and I lost all respect for Shwartz for not sticking up for his girlfriend and not punching Jax in his newly reconstructed nose for disrespecting him and his girlfriend in their own place. That’s not a friend, Shwartz!

Screenshot (87)

At SUR, Kristen (ugh) is complaining how Katie is one of the friends she lost after she lied. Aw, poor cheating, lying, psychotic Kristen. Katie is on a break out back and Kristen joins her and immediately jumps into why aren’t they friends anymore.


Because Katie isn’t being very receptive for her, Kristopath goes for the jugular and accuses her of cheating on Tom Shwartz, because although she wasn’t there, she heard it from Jax. So then, it must be true because we all know Jax is the most honest person on the planet! Kristen, I’ll give you some advice that I gave Porsha Williams: when you go to sleep at night, pray for brains.

Screenshot (86)

Katie, Stassi and Kristina are out for lunch and Katie tells them about her conversation with Kristopath. Schwartz messages Katie and tells her that Sandoval and Jax will be joining them. That’s Stassi’s cue to leave the table. If I were Katie, I would’ve left too and let them hang out by themselves.

It’s not long after they show up does it take for Katie to confront Jax on the rumors he’s been spreading about her. Jax gets extremely nasty with her and Schwartz is just sitting there like his lapdog. Okay, that’s the last straw. I’m through with you, Schwartz! Get some balls and stand up for your girlfriend who’s being attacked by your so-called friends!


Thanks for reading recap of last night’s episode! Let me know what you think in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21. Next week’s episode looks juicy.

#PumpRules S03E04 “Jax Nose Best” Recap

We’re back to another episode of Vanderpump Rules, and is it just me or are each episode getting better than the last?


We start off with Jax, Tom Sandoval and Tom Shwartz getting their eyebrows threaded. Jax is about to get a nose job and Tom Sandoval made a shirt with a picture of his old nose. I have to admit, these guys are hilarious together. In a way, I’m kind of glad that Tom and Jax are friends again. They’re definitely a dynamic duo.


Stassi goes to SUR to visit Katie and to eat some goat cheese balls. Apparently, they’re the bomb. I’ll have to try it if I ever go to SUR. She has a little talk with Ariana. She tells Stassi about Kristen’s super awkward visit at Tom’s apartment. Stassi believes that Kristen will weasel her way back into everybody’s life quickly and I’m afraid I agree. She doesn’t believe how forgiving people are at SUR and she said that things used to go differently when she “used to run” SUR. Oh yeah, Kristen and Scheana got matching tattoos. Better her than me. At the end of the day, Ariana and Stassi agree that Kristen just isn’t worth anything. Cheers to that.


At PUMP, the manager tells Lisa that Tom Schwartz basically had a meltdown and walked out in the middle of his shift. Holy shit, Lisa is pissed. I feel sorry for you, Tom.


Katie comes home to Tom in bed. He starts telling his side of the story and Katie feels let down. At the end of the day, that’s the man she wants to marry but before they can get married he needs to get his shit together. Basically, he’s been picking and choosing when he wants to do real work for the last few years. I wish I had that luxury. I really like Tom Schwartz, which is why I want him to get his shit together. This is life, we all have to do things we don’t want to. And as Katie kindly points out, “Even Jax can do this job.”

Jax is getting his nose job and I’m skipping it. I hate operation scenes. It creeps me out. Not to mention, I’m eating.


Stassi and Katie are catching up and having lunch at a restaurant called Stir. Katie expresses her frustrations about the current situation with Tom. I feel bad for her. Stassi says she’s relieved she finally has a boyfriend who has a career and is stable. Stassi says that she sees Tom as very relaxed when it comes to not just his work, but his relationship and once again, I agree. Also, Katie tells Stassi that Jax had a nose job and her reaction is priceless.


Tom Schwartz takes Jax back to his apartment after the surgery and Jax is whining and crying because he wants his drugs (pain medication). Peter and Lisa drop by to check on Jax. When Tom Schwartz opened the door, I think he might have crapped his pants. I know I would if I saw Lisa after I pissed her off. Tom is really kissing Lisa’s ass and she’s not having any of it. It was nice knowing you, Tom!

Kristen, ugh, and her fame whoring fetus boyfriend are at the gym and I’m skipping it also. All she talks about is Tom and it’s bloody annoying. (Yes, in Belize we say ‘bloody’ as well). Scheana and Tom Sandoval also pays Jax a visit and they bring donuts. I want some. I need some dessert to go with my dinner. Blood starts trickling down from Jax’s nose and I’m done. Gross.


Lisa is having dinner with Ken and Lance Bass and his fiancee. Fame whoring fetus boyfriend, James comes back to beg for his job, again. Lisa is annoyed and so am I. Unfortunately, she gives James his job back.


Tom Shwartz meets Lisa at PUMP for a meeting and it is painful to watch. He gives her back his PUMP uniforms. The least he could have done is wash them. Come on, dude. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Lisa on RHOBH is that respect and loyalty goes a long way with her. Come on, Tom, I want to be on your side but you’re giving me nothing to work with! Back at Jax’s apartment, both Toms, Ariana, Scheana and Shay visit Jax. His swollen face makes him look like a hippo a little bit. They talk about Katie and questions why she’s not around now that Stassi is in town. Jax is whining that Katie didn’t text him about his nose job. God, that little boy is so needy.

VPR-E04.jpg VPR-E04-2.jpg

Everyone’s at the OK Magazine party and it’s Stassi, Katie, Peter, Kristina and Tom Shwartz at one table, and Ariana, Tom Sandoval, Scheana and Shay at the other. Then Kristen shows up via invite from Scheana with her infant boyfriend in tow. Tom is annoyed and so am I.

Stassi’s table is playing high-card cut and the loser has to go sit at Scheana’s table for 5 minutes. Of course, Stassi loses and she heads on over. She sits next to Scheana and they’re both playing nice. Kristen is uncomfortable and I’m loving every second of it. After not seeing or hearing from Stassi since the reunion, she brings up Jax and his nose job. You don’t bring up your ex-best friend’s ex-boyfriend who you banged when you see her for the first time, you big dummy.

Stassi then goes back to her table and Scheana heads on over, with Kristen in tow. But, at least she brought a bottle of vodka to share with everyone. Stassi asks the table how they are all friends, and I really do want to know myself because I am baffled. Ariana makes it clear that they are NOT all friends. Kristen tries to awkwardly make peace with Tom and Ariana shuts it down. Love her. Kristen finally took the hint for once and leaves. Guess she’s not that dumb after all. Yes she is. Scheana and Stassi get into an argument about being friends with Kristen and once again, I’m sad. Stop fighting and kiss and make up, you guys! Stassi is over it and she leaves the party.

Thanks for reading my recap. Let me know what you think in the comments section, or tweet me (@SalvaCam21).