#RHOMelbourne S02E01 “Fresh Start, New Faces” Recap

Initially I wasn’t going to blog about The Real Housewives of Melbourne, but seeing as people love it and I secretly do too, I figured, what the hell? Why not? So before I recap this episode, here’s what I think about all the wives past and present.

Gina Liano- She’s fabulous and I love her potty mouth. She is a bit of a fibber but I still like her nonetheless. Oh yeah, she’s a lawyer. It’s only season 2 but I hope she’s not shady like Phaedra.

Lydia Schiavello- Initially I thought Lydia was dull and full of it. As the season progressed I knew Lydia was dull and full of it. She takes herself way too seriously, but that could be said for all of them, with the possible exception of Gina, Jackie and Chyka.

Janet Roach- Probably the most desperate out of all the women. She flip flops when it comes to her friends. She has no real loyalty to anyone. Basically it’s like the skeletor version of Brandi. It’s only the first episode of the second season and the bitch has already surpassed thirsty. She’s now dehydrated.

Jackie Gillies- Shine, shine, shine! Jackie is the psychic of the group and a lightning rod. It is my opinion that she’s one of the two– the other being Chyka– who keeps it real.

Chyka Keebough- Chyka is my absolute favorite. She tells it like it is, but in a soft, gentle and respectable way. She’s the Switzerland of the group and some of the others have  had issues with that in the past. Why? Because she’s not picking their sides. They need to grow up and be a woman like Chyka.

Andrea Moss- A few words come to mind when describing Andrea: boring, idiot, pretentious, elitist, cliché, petty, the list goes on and on. She basically lead the charge in the gang up of Gina in season 1 over stupid and petty things. I, for one, will not miss her.

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We start with Lydia, Chyka and Jackie meeting for lunch. Loving Chyka’s style– especially her hair. Lydia wants us to know that people think she’s pretentious and this and that and basically confirming that I’m not the only one with these feelings. Chyka is incredibly proud that she and Bruce are still together after 25 years of marriage. They are a lovely couple. Jackie is still keeping it real and shine, shine, shining.

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They’re talking about dieting and pounding. You know, girl talk. The waiter comes and Lydia says she likes wet pussies… the drink, people! Yeah, I’ve never heard of it either.

Janet is driving around and says she’s going to fight her own battles and allow others to do the same. Ha! Yeah, right. And I’m the tooth fairy. She’s inviting them to her birthday party. They ask if Gina is invited and she says she’d love to invite her. Janet then describes their relationship as being “frenemies.” Literally. Dear, God. We’re already five minutes in and this woman is annoying the shit out of me.

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Janet goes to meet up with this younger guy who owns a restaurant to plan her birthday party. We’re supposed to believe that this man is interested in Janet romantically. She says she wasn’t going to have a birthday party this year but when she talked to Carlos she decided to have it after all. Translation: she only decided to have the party to get camera time.

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He tells her that they won’t be able to use the original venue anymore. She’s pretending to freak out and I’m trying not to fall asleep. Enough of this woman, can we get to Gina please? He then proceeds to kiss her ass and it’s gross. So is her hair extensions. Why do these women have such bad hair? Brandi, Adrienne, Janet, etc. Do these women own a brush?

Back at lunch with Chyka, Jackie and Lydia. Chyka shares that she had found lumps on her breast and was worried about it but on the day of getting her test results, Jackie texted her and told her that everything will be fine, and it was. Lydia says that her stepson’s getting married soon and calls herself the mother of the groom.

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You are step-mother of the groom. Know your lane and stay in it. Apparently they’re going to Florence for the wedding. Who’s her stepson? Kanye West? She discovers that her assistant bought conditioner instead of shampoo and she calls her to tell her to go buy some. Buy your own shampoo, girl. You’re going shopping anyway, right?

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Janet stops by her hair stylist. He got himself some extensions and clearly that’s not his area of expertise. His hair actually makes Janet’s look red carpet ready. She leaves Gina a voicemail, inviting her to the party and she calls back and accepts. Janet is happy because she knows this will mean more camera time.

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Finally we’re getting to Gina. She believes people get the wrong impression of her because of the image she presents. She says that what you see is what you get with her, you just have to look for a while. She meets up with her sister for lunch. Gina tells her sister that she’s planning to move to the US to be with her partner. She also says that her friendship with Lydia is fractured, saying that it’s like a glass; once it’s broken, you can put all the pieces back together but it will always have cracks.

Bloody hell, it’s a Janet-centric episode. No wonder I’m bored. She goes to buy cake. Done.

Lydia is getting ready for Janet’s party and we’re being introduced to her mom. Her mom is not fond of Gina and is quite snarky. I like it.

Chyka and Jackie are riding together. I like the both of them, a lot. Meanwhile, Gina and Lydia are riding together. It is awkward. Lydia apologizes to Gina and hopes they can move forward together in a positive direction. That’s nice.

We’re now at Janet’s party. Yippee, how fun. It’s time to meet the two new housewives. The first one is Gamble Breaux.

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Gamble is single with a cute Pomeranian. She has a boyfriend of 5 years. I have mixed feelings about her. On the one hand she doesn’t like food, and food is like my number 1. But she also loves men, saying they are simply gorgeous and that they are her greatest weakness. Hey, me too. I like her personality for sure.

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Next, we’re being introduced to Pettifleur Berenger, and she wants us to call her Pettifleur. I think before we’re even 1/4 way through this season I’ll be calling her Petty. She seems to have a real bitch complex because she cannot stop using the word when referring to herself and other women. She thinks it’s taking back the word as her own. No, you just sound ridiculous.

I feel like I dislike her 80% more than I like her. She’s beautiful though, I’ll give her that. At the party she’s already giving attitude. Well, okay then. Looks like this will be a very opinionated season.

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The next day, at least we’re supposed to believe it’s the next day, Gamble takes Gina for lunch because she immediately liked her when she met her. She says something just clicked. Translation: she knows who the fan favorite is and is befriending her to get more camera time. She tells Gina about Janet bitching about her at her party. Now Gina is on high alert. Only the first episode and already stirring up trouble, Gamble? Hmm…

Lastly, Janet meets with Carlos and his pet pig to gossip about Gamble. Janet is gross and messy. Next week, she pisses Gamble off. That was quick. This should be good.

What did you think of this week’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

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