#RHOBH S05E11 “It’s Just A Scratch” Recap

We’re back for another episode of RHOBH and this episode was more intense than last week’s. I’m going to get right to it, but before I do, I just have to say that Brandi is a gutter pig, Kim is an idiot for letting an outsider come between her and her flesh and blood and my love for Eileen is growing by the episode.

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The episode picks up right back where we left off: with Kyle and Brandi getting into a shoving match. Kyle immediately breaks down in tears and walks out to try and get Kim to talk to her but Brandi won’t let her. Kim needs to stand up to Brandi and put that bitch in her place. Brandi is a recent “friend.” She does not know the history between Kyle and Kim. I also feel that Kim is feeding information to Brandi albeit without malice, which is why Brandi is saying these things to Kyle. I mean, Brandi couldn’t just pull all of those things out of her ass. I believe Kim told Brandi distorted versions of things that happened. Why distorted? We all know, drunk or sober, Kim’s perception of reality is a wee bit off.

Lisa R. and Eileen come out from hearing the commotion and Brandi tells them that Kyle and Kim hate each other and that Kyle is jealous of Kim. I’ve said it countless times along with many others on Twitter, Brandi needs to be fired.

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Brandi goes back over to Kyle and Kim, weaseling her way in between them again. She’s backing Kyle into a corner, literally and then grabs her and is extremely aggressive and drunk. Kyle takes off her shoes and walks away while Brandi is threatening to go ghetto on Kyle. First of all, I take huge offense to that. I grew up in the ghetto and Brandi is not ghetto. She is ratchet to the gutter level. She is a gutter pig. A piece of shit. You get the point. Brandi tells Kyle that she is mad at her because Kyle has never been there for Kim and that she has been there for Kim more than her. Every time I think this bitch can’t go any lower, she proves me wrong.

Kim chooses to stay with Brandi while Lisa R. rides home with Kyle. Kim is disgusting for letting that dirt bag go after her sister like that. I have absolutely no respect for her. Though I will say it makes sense that they are best friends because they both refuse to take responsibility for their actions and tend to shift the blame on to others.

In the car ride with Kyle, Lisa R. understands what Kyle is going through because HH has watched both of his brothers die from alcoholism within six months of each other. That’s sad. To lose one brother is heartbreaking but to lose both in less than a year is tragic. She says that you can’t help Kim unless she wants to be helped and she has a point. She also says that Brandi is a drunk. You hit the nail on the head, Lisa!

After everyone leaves, Eileen and Vince are talking about the cluster fuck that was poker night. She believes that family is the most important thing and for Brandi to get between that is not cool. She says Brandi is toxic. See why I’m loving her more and more? She’s a good judge of character…or lack thereof.

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Yolanda is back home and she’s FaceTiming with Bella. It’s funny to see Yolanda trying to figure out how it works. Reminds me of my mom except my mom still doesn’t understand it.

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Taking Bella to New York was more emotional to her than taking Gigi because of Bella’s DUI. It’s nerve wracking to let Bella be on her own but there’s nothing she can do about it and she has to accept that Bella is going exactly where she wants to go. I’m glad she realizes this, but it’s starting to get redundant. I don’t know how many times you can say the same thing over and over again.

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Lisa V. is at home waiting for Ken to bring Rumpy Pumpy back from training camp. He’s been gone for three months. She says that he’s the naughtiest dog out of the bunch and from what we’ve seen last season, it’s true. But I can’t imagine her staying mad at him for too long, or at all because how can you? He’s just a beautiful creature!

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Ken finally arrives and he brings Rumpy home…along with a surprise. Rumpy fell in love and has a girlfriend! First of all, I’d just like to say that I’m officially depressed because a dog has a better love life than I do. He’s still basically a puppy and he already found his soul mate. Shit.

Her name is Avery and she’s a chubby, furry beauty. Lisa says that’s why she loves Rumpy, because he’s not a superficial dog. LOL! With Avery being the newest addition to the Vanderpump-Todd family, Lisa has seven fur babies in total. I wish Lisa would get another spin off with her dogs. I think they could call it “101 Pomeranians” or “Vanderpup Rules.” Yes? No? Of course, yes!

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Lisa calls Kyle to check in on her. Kyle is still shocked but is worried about Kim because now Kim has been admitted in the hospital. Yikes.

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Kyle believes that Brandi owes her an apology for getting physical with her, for the things she said to her and for coming between her and her sister. Good luck with that. That gutter pig will not apologize. Kyle assures Lisa that she will still attend her charity jewelry party as the cause is something very near and dear to her heart.

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Yolanda is having breakfast and her son, Anwar, joins her. I think this is probably the second or third time we’ve seen him since Yolanda joined the show. If I’m not mistaken, Anwar is 15 years old and he’s already taller than Yolanda. And Yolanda is like 5’10. Wow.

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She says that because she was single for a good amount of his childhood, he took the role as the male of the family very seriously from an early age. He seems like a sweet kid and looks exactly like Yolanda. She says that he’s felt a lot of sadness ever since both of his sisters left home to go to New York. Don’t worry, Anwar, they won’t be gone forever.

Next is Brandi and I’m skipping her.

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Kyle is about to head out to visit Kim and Mauricio comes home. Kyle tells him that Kim is in the hospital. She still doesn’t really know yet. The only thing she knows is that Kim was in a lot of pain and Monty had to take her to the hospital. I don’t think Kim should be the only one looking after Monty. Clearly she’s not emotionally or mentally equipped to deal with the stress of it all.

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Kyle says that there’s a whole other dynamic to her relationship with Kim because of her sobriety and her inability to not always know how to handle it. I feel that these two should go to therapy. I believe that there are still some resentment that is buried deep between the two of them and unless they express those feelings, then their relationship will remain fragile.

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Lisa R. is preparing for her party. She’s freaking herself out and making me laugh at the same time. I love this woman. She’s perfection for this show. I don’t know why she waited this long to join the show. I wish she had joined in season 3. Maybe if she did, the producers would’ve never promoted Brandi to full-time housewife.

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Lisa says that basically if she throws a bad party then she’s a bad person. LOL. No, love. The only way you’ll be a bad person is if you end up like Brandi. So bad party or not, you’re good.

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Eileen goes to Villa Rosa as she’s going to the charity party with Lisa V. Lisa’s guard swan almost goes after her and it’s hysterical.

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Eileen notices the swing and Lisa assures her that she has a swing but she’s not a swinger…yet! She fills Lisa in on the poker party. All I can see in Lisa’s face is the fact that she’s made the right choice in not investing in a friendship with Brandi again. Lisa is not surprised about any of the things Eileen is telling her about Brandi. Neither are we, Lisa. Neither are we.

She also tells Lisa about Kim being a little off and Lisa points out that sober or not, Kim has always been a little off.

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Yolanda goes over to Kyle’s and she tells Yolanda about what happened at the poker party. She tells her about Kim’s behavior and that she thinks it’s due to the stress from taking care of Monty. Yolanda says she was worried about that for months because it’s more than what one person can handle.

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Kyle tells her about the physical altercation between her and Brandi and Yolanda asks if she was drinking. Duh, Yolanda. Where there’s Brandi, there’s alcohol. Why ask?

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Brandi is the first to arrive at Lisa’s event and she looks like a hot mess. Yolanda and Kyle show up next and Kyle is ignoring Brandi. Yolanda pulls Brandi aside and starts to mother her. You know, the way Lisa V used to last season and they both chastised her for it. Brandi goes into defense mode and pops off on Yolanda. Be careful, bitch. You don’t have too many friends in this circle. You may not want to push away one of the only two you have left. #BeSmart

Eileen asks to speak to Brandi and tells her that it was uncool of Brandi to insult her in her own home and to insult her house. Brandi is polite to her face and is obnoxious and nasty in her interview. While looking like one of those desperate whores on Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. 

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Kyle and Lisa V make plans to go have a drink at Villa Blanca after the event. Finally. After their make up in episode one, we haven’t really seen Lisa and Kyle getting together one on one. Out of all the friendships on the show, I enjoyed theirs the most. It seemed the most authentic out of all of them. It’s probably because they were friends before the show.

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Kyle and Lisa go to Villa Blanca for drinks. Lisa asks Kyle where does she go with Brandi from that night. Kyle says that she does get over things but the trust is gone and she believes Brandi owes her an apology.

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In her confessional, Kyle says that she can forgive Brandi, but she just doesn’t want to. I understand that. But here’s what I have to say about that: forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you. It’s for you to let go of the ill feelings you have for that other person so that you can have a peace of mind.

Kyle says that she has given Brandi a number of chances and has only been let down. She doesn’t want to put herself in a position to be hurt by Brandi again, emotionally or physically. I’ll drink to that. Lisa agrees. She says that she could never be friends with her after everything she’s done for Brandi, only to be betrayed. After all, how can she be friends with someone who tells you “I can destroy you?” That’s fucking creepy. Lisa said it best, “Once bitten, very bloody shy.”

Next week’s episode looks even more intense. Brandi is even more nasty and vindictive and Kim continues to damage her relationship with Kyle.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

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