#RHOBH S05E10 “House of Cards” Recap

Things are finally starting to heat up in the B-H. I’ve been enjoying this season more than any other housewives franchises in a while. This episode was tragic. Why? Stay tuned and find out.


Kyle arranges a spa day for all the women. Yolanda doesn’t attend because she’s still in New York helping Bella get settled. On their way, they start talking about their vaginas and Lisa R. says that Harry likes it hairy.

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They break into groups of three and Lisa V got stuck with Brandi. I hope she enjoys the massage! She’ll need it after being around Brandi, squawking in her ear constantly trying to say something to shock them.


Kyle asks if Brandi and Eileen are okay after the wine toss. Lisa R. seems to think so because she apologized and Eileen accepted. Kyle always feels like Brandi is unpredictable. That’s because she is. She says that she wants to find the best in her– yeah, stop that– but she also has that nasty side. It’s not a side, it’s who she is…now. Do I think Brandi was always this mean person? No. I blame Eddie Cibrian and Brandi’s enablers– err, friends– for the monster that she’s become. Oh yeah, and the show for inflating her ego that’s gotten so big that it needs its own diamond in the intro.


Yolanda is with Gigi at her apartment in New York. After reading Yolanda’s blog last week, I feel really bad watching her on the show. In case you didn’t know, she had a major relapse with her Lyme Disease and can no longer read or write. I hope she gets better and finds a cure.

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Yolanda is very proud of all of Gigi’s accomplishments in the last year and a half since she’s been on her own. She has a lot to be proud of. I read somewhere that Gigi is in talks to be in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show this year. I have no idea if that is true but it would be awesome! Despite my feelings for Yolanda, she’s an amazing mom.


It’s lunch time and the girls head out for wine tasting. Sidenote: I read Kyle’s blog before watching the episode. She says that the hotel decided to change lunch into the wine tasting. Do I believe her? Yes. I don’t think that she’d do anything to jeopardize her sister’s sobriety. Not after resolving all of their issues and clearly have rebuilt their relationship. I don’t know, there’s something about Kyle that’s making me like her this season. This is the longest I’ve gone in a season liking Kyle since season 1.

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It’s very awkward at the wine tasting. Clearly the hotel knows that there’s one person who doesn’t drink and the wine educator asks Kim if she wants to smell the wine. No, moron, she’s sober! Kyle is clearly uncomfortable and you can see it in her face. Kyle asks Kim if she wants to leave and she says no. Kim excuses herself and soon after Kyle goes to check on her. All is well.


Back in New York, Bella joins Yolanda and Gigi. Yolanda says that Gigi and Bella are like the white and black swans. It’s a fierce competition in the fashion industry but Gigi is willing to help her little sister get a name for herself and solidify her spot in the fashion industry. Good for her.

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Clearly they’re both close. Sometimes, to be honest, I do feel bad for Bella. She does seem to go through the middle child syndrome, but I’m forming my opinion based on the handful of minutes we’ve seen her. They reenact a scene from America’s Next Top Model and it is cute.


They’re finally leaving and on their way back Brandi wants to know each and every one of their fantasies. Lisa R. is doing Brad Pitt. Yuck! Yeah, I know, how dare I say that?! Kyle wants to be a professional stripper. Well, she’s got the splits part down.

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Kim wants to be on an island alone. I hear ya! And Brandi wants to walk in on her man having sex with another woman and cannot leave until he finishes. As Kyle and Lisa R. stated:

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In Brandi’s blog she says that she’s tired of the women judging her and pretending to be perfect and that it’s just a fantasy. Um, girl, nobody is even trying to be perfect. It’s deranged and masochistic for you to want to walk in and find your boyfriend banging another person in your bed. And this is the woman Stassi says she can relate to? If that was true then she would be perfectly fine with Jax banging every other girl behind her back. In fact, she should have wanted to see it.


Kyle takes Kim out for lunch. She feels bad about the wine tasting and wants to apologize to her. I thought Kim handled herself really well in that situation. Obviously she’s used to being around drunken people. Her BFF is Brandi after all.

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Kim tells Kyle that she knows she didn’t set up the wine tasting and there’s basically no reason to apologize. She is, however, angry that there was no food. I hear you. There are two things I don’t play around with, my food and my boyfriend.


It’s poker night! I think this is the first game night since the historical game night in season 2.

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Oh, how I wish Eileen would have watched the show before she signed on. That way she could have prepared for the disaster that was about to happen. Coincidentally, Lisa V wasn’t at the first game night either. Smart woman. Eileen and Vince have a cute banter between each other. It’s like what Adrienne and Paul should have been.

Kyle picks up Brandi and Brandi has three champagne bottles in her hand. Sounds about right. Brandi tells Kyle that she feels that she owes Kim an apology. Huh? That doesn’t even make any sense. Also, her reason for wanting to apologize doesn’t make any sense. Shut up, Brandi. It’s just another way to make it all about you.


Kim picks up Lisa R at her house and they head to Eileen’s together. Kim is acting very strange and Lisa R immediately asks her if she’s been drinking or on drugs.

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The whole trip to between Kim and Lisa is uncomfortable to watch and I can’t even fathom what it felt like to actually be Lisa in that situation. I would have jumped out the door like Sister Mary Robert in Sister Act. 


Meanwhile, Lisa V is in Cabo on vacation. Well deserved, if you ask me.

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She’s on the beach with Pandora, Jason, Giggy and Ken. And I believe in her blog she said her brother was there as well. I was bummed we didn’t get to see him. I was really looking forward to seeing him. We actually get the rare opportunity to see Giggy naked! O-M-G! #Porndography


Kim and Lisa are the first to arrive at Eileen’s. Lisa looks so relieved to be out of the car with Kim. Kyle and Brandi arrives next and Eileen gives them a tour of her house. Brandi says that Eileen’s house makes her think of Norman Bates and tells Eileen that the house looks American Psycho-ish. You should know, right, Psycho– I mean Brandi?

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Vince is trying to teach them how to play poker. Brandi is already drunk and Kim’s behavior is erratic. When I see Brandi and Kim together, Brandi looks like her enabler. The sad part is, I don’t think Brandi realizes that’s what she’s doing. It makes sense though. All of her “friends” enable her, so she’s enabling Kim. Kim is hanging out too much with Brandi because there are “stupids” and F-bombs flying all over the place. She curses out Lisa and warns her to be careful.


Kyle looks mortified. I feel bad for both sisters. I feel bad for Kim because she’s going through all of this in front of the cameras, for the whole world to see and I feel bad for Kyle because this is clearly bringing up old issues.


Kyle is trying to understand the game but Brandi is drunk and loud and obnoxious and keeps calling Kyle stupid. Kyle’s mood after that?


Brandi says that Kyle is jealous of Kim because Kim was a successful actress unlike Kyle. If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t Kyle in legendary films like the original Halloween and Halloween II? Not to mention worked with legendary actors? What has Brandi done? Take a couple of pictures and married a soap star who cheated on her and made her famous for it?

Kyle has had enough and excuses herself to the bathroom. Kim tries to follow her but Brandi seems to not want her to. It’s evident that Brandi is trying to put a wedge between Kim and Kyle’s relationship. She tried to do it with Lisa and every other cast member last season.

In the bathroom, Kim tells Kyle that she took one of Monty’s pain-killers. I’m not trying to make fun or anything, I legitimately want to know; doesn’t that mean that Kim relapsed if she took a pain pill?

After coming out of the bathroom, Kim feels uncomfortable and wants to go home. Before she leaves she goes to say goodbye, but Brandi tries to stop her again. Kim makes a passive aggressive comment to Kyle– to me it looks like she’s mad at Kyle for confessing to taking a pill on camera. Kyle is clearly confused and is trying to talk to Kim but Brandi keeps blocking her. This is bad. Kyle repeatedly asks Brandi to get out of the way and Brandi continues to block Kyle from getting to Kim. Kyle, frustrated, confused and concerned, pushes Brandi out of the way and Brandi pushes Kyle back.


I don’t care what Brandi’s excuse is, you do NOT get in the middle of family business. Believe me, it is never a good idea. A former friend of mine tried to do just that and he learned his lesson the hard way. Brandi may feel like she was being a good friend to Kim but blood is thicker than herpes, and when Kyle and Kim make up, who will look like an even bigger asshole for meddling? Brandi. As I said before, this episode was tragic, and this is why.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

Next week, the drama continues from poker night, Rumpy Pumpy comes back home, Yolanda scolds Brandi about her drinking, Kim is in the hospital and Kyle is done with her friendship with Brandi.


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