#PumpRules S03E06 “Kiss And Tell” Recap

It’s week six of the intoxicating show that is Vanderpump Rules and so far my disgust for Kristen and Jax has only grown stronger. I don’t get how these two have friends. They are the most disgusting and pathetic excuse for people I have ever had the displeasure of watching. With that said, let’s get into it, shall we?

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At Katie and Tom Shwartz’s apartment, Katie is doing Tom’s hair for a modeling job that he got. Stassi comes over and Katie downloads Stassi about the fight between her and Jax and how Tom basically sat back and did nothing while his girlfriend was under attack. Tom’s trying to justify his actions– or lack thereof– by trying to put some of the blame on Katie and Stassi’s like…

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Stassi says that Jax is truly the most horrible person that ever existed and I’m surprised she forgot about Kristen. She also says that she feels a bit offended that Shwartz keeps defending Jax. I concur.

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Kristen is over at Scheana’s apartment and they’re both talking shit about Katie. I don’t know what’s been going on with Scheana but I’ve been disappointed in her lately. Trash talking is very unbecoming of you, Scheana. Stop it. I guess Kristen is having a stronger influence on her than she realizes.

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Kristen sends Stassi a text and asks if they can meet up to have a talk. Really? If I were Stassi I wouldn’t have replied to her. I would’ve had her number blocked along with Jax’s. But she’s hoping Kristen will give her a genuine apology. Didn’t she do that at the finale and the reunion? Anyway, it would be nice to see again. Katie tells Stassi that she hears Kristen is going around saying that she wants to “take Katie down.” I don’t doubt it, that girl is sick and twisted.

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Over at PUMP, Lisa is having a meeting and is planning a “50 gay mayors” party at PUMP. She says it’s a chance for all the gay mayors to come together…not literally. Love her sense of humor. She calls Tom and Tom over and tells them that they’ll be tray passing at the party. Sandoval is mortified and Shwartz is looking relieved, like in his head he’s saying, “Yes! Finally, something I can do!” Sandoval says that he’ll do it if Jax does it and so Lisa says Jax will do it. Good.

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Finally, Kristen and Stassi meet up. It’s awkward. Kristen sort of apologizes and Stassi immediately goes to Katie’s defense. She confronts her about wanting to take Katie down. Of course, she denies it and deflects by bringing up another rumor that she “knows for a fact” because someone told her and she didn’t actually see it happen with her own eyes: Shwartz cheated on Katie in Vegas with Jax’s girlfriend’s friend. Um, haven’t these guys learned by now that Vegas is their enemy when they’re in relationships? What happens in Vegas clearly doesn’t stay there when it comes to this group.

Jax is at his therapy session and I’m skipping it. I can’t stomach that…male. I can’t even call him a man because in my opinion, he’s not a man, he’s a…

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Katie is getting ready for work and Stassi drops by to deliver the news that Kristen had told her, that Shwartz had sex with a girl in Vegas, as told by Jax, and he made out with some girl when he was drunk, as told by Scheana. Scheana is getting pretty messy. Katie doesn’t believe it and is planning on confronting Jax at SUR. Do it, girl! Stassi also doesn’t believe it, but she’s being realistic when she says, “If you’re going to hang around shitty people, pretty soon you’re going to start doing shitty things.” Touché.

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At SUR, Kristen goes to talk to Jax to make sure the rumors she has been spreading is accurate, and of course, Jax is back peddling. Um, I don’t know about you guys, but I never saw that coming. (I’m being sarcastic, JSYK). Jax says that he wish he could see Schwartz banging a girl in front of Katie– that will make his life, apparently. Is he related to Aviva Drescher’s dad, Geroge? They’re both disgusting perverts.

Katie confronts Jax about spreading the rumors and he says that he never said Schwartz had sex with a girl in Vegas because he “didn’t see it with his own eyes.” If I took a shot for every time Jax said that, I’d die from alcohol poisoning. Katie then confronts Kristen out back and Kristen redirects her to Jax and Scheana as the two sources of these rumors. Katie tells her that Jax believes that she wants to take down their relationship as well and the look on Kristen’s face is priceless. Who to believe? The messy liar, or the messier liar? Hmm…

Scheana arrives and Kristen asks Scheana in front of Katie if she said that Schwartz kissed another girl and she said yes. It happened a year or two ago. Kristen says that she believes Schwartz is a good guy but believes that he cheated on Katie. Of course, she’s trying to get as much company as she can. The gutter must be so lonely.

Schwartz then shows up and Katie confronts him about the rumors. He comes clean about making out with a girl a year or two ago. I’m shocked. I really did not see that one coming. Katie immediately breaks down and all I want to do is jump through my screen and hug her. After, he tells Jax to come out and Jax starts attacking Katie once again and Tom apologizes to Jax.

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WTF?! Schwartz, get your head out of Jax’s ass! It’s not a hat!

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Lisa’s in her office with Ken and she gets a visit from Sham Ibrahim, a very talented artist. Some of his art work is on Lisa’s walls. They’re stunning. I want a portrait done by him!

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Schwartz goes over to Jax’s apartment to confront him about the night at SUR. Jax admits that he told Kristen he cheated on Katie only because he believes that Katie’s a bad person and is trying to “save” Tom from that relationship. Did I mention Jax was a low-life bitch? Finally Schwartz is defending Katie and putting Jax in his place. Wait, what’s that? Oh, it’s a little bit of the respect I had for Schwartz creeping back. Finally he grew a pair and stood up for his lady.

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It’s party time at PUMP and one of my favorite housewives of Miami makes an appearance: Lea Black! Granted we only see her for a half of a second through a phone screen, but still… yay! Schwartz and Sandoval have a talk before Jax arrives. Poor Schwartzy hasn’t slept because of Jax’s messiness. He tells Sandoval that Jax basically said he was planting seeds because of his hatred for Katie. Tom, Tom and Jax change into PUMP uniforms and starts tray passing. It’s hilarious.

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Stassi says that she doesn’t want to compare Jax and Schwartz because it’s an insult to Schwartz. Indeed it is. But we’ve both come to the conclusion that it’s sad that he did it and our radars were off a little bit. Katie is pretty much done with Jax and she’s all…

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Stassi believes that Katie should stand up for herself and her relationship so that she can move forward. I agree. Kristina says that she believes the admission of the make out will lead to Schwartz admitting he slept with that girl in a few weeks. I’m like…

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Katie says they had a serious talk and he said that he was going through a period where he was very doubtful and unhappy in their relationship and she asked him if he ever sees them getting married. She feels like years from now he still won’t be ready when she is and she’s wondering if it’s because he’s just not that in love with her. I’m truly sad and heartbroken for her. The pain on her face is evident. Stassi tells her that she doesn’t want to see them break up but she needs to stand up for herself. Yes, Stassi, we get it. She gets it. Stop and just be there for your friend. Schwartz comes in with a bouquet of flowers and the episode ends.

All in all, it was an emotionally exhausting episode. I would’ve liked to see a bit more Ariana and a lot less of Jax and Kristen scheming to screw people over. But, hey, in life, we can’t always get what we want.

What are your thoughts about last night’s episode? Let me know in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21.

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