We’re back to another episode of Vanderpump Rules. This is the most dysfunctional group of “friends” I have ever seen.
Ariana and Tom Sandoval meet Tom Shwartz at the Bark ‘N Bitches pet store. He’s planning on getting a dog for Katie to delay him from proposing. Tom tells them that Katie wants to have a baby, but I’m pretty sure she’s not going to get that baby until Tom Swhartz gets his shit together.
Stassi meets up with Lisa at SUR and Scheana is their waitress. Awkward. Scheana is giving major attitude to Stassi and Lisa reminds her that Stassi is the customer. Stassi tells her, “I don’t actually know what I’ve done to you but I’ll have a Pinot Grigio.”
Like Lisa said, they both need to check their egos at the door because they were better friends than enemies. Lisa also tells Stassi that she wants her to be her stylist for a photo shoot that she’s doing at PUMP so that Stassi can add that to her résumé. Did I mention that Lisa is the best boss ever?
Jax is at the doctor for his nose and I’m skipping it. I’m eating and I don’t need to see anything gross. It’s already bad enough that I have to watch Kristen while I’m eating.
Stassi and Katie are hanging out at Katie’s apartment and Tom tries to surprise Katie with their new baby by having the dog go in first (like Lisa did with Giggy in Paris) but fails when the dog decides to go his own way. Cute. The look on Katie’s face when she sees the dog is priceless. They’re so cute together.
Lisa and Ken are having dinner at SUR and Kristen (ugh) is their waitress. Lisa’s not too happy to see her. I share the same sentiments as you, LIsa. So fire her already! Lisa lets her know that if she screws up one more time, she’s out. I hope she means it this time. This girl is bringing this show down. Jax arrives with his bandage on his nose– anything for attention. Katie approaches him and inquires about how he’s doing and he’s acting like a bitch. To quote my least favorite RHOC, Tamra, “You are a man, not a woman. Act like one.”
After Katie leaves, Scheana comes to the bar to gossip with her good girlfriend, Jax. They start talking shit about Katie and I’m disappointed in Scheana. I want the Scheana from season 1 to come back. Scheana says that couples should aspire to be like her and Shay. Girl, let me give you some words of advice: a little humility goes a long way. Stop acting like your shit doesn’t stink, ‘kay?
Then Jax goes to talk with Kristen about Katie and how she motor-boated some guy’s crotch. Um, you two are the most disgusting out of the group, so why are you even talking?
Stassi arrives at Villa Rosa to help Lisa get ready for her photo shoot. Lisa is doing her hair while Stassi is picking out the accessories to go with Lisa’s outfits. She’s also Giggy’s stylist for the day.
Ariana, Tom Sandoval, Scheana, Shay, Peter (swoon) and Jax are at a rooftop pool party and I want to join…with just Ariana, Tom, Scheana and Peter. Jax starts talking about how Schwartz isn’t there because Katie doesn’t like Scheana and Jax. Really? I swear, Jax is the biggest bitch on this show. I think he’s aspiring to be the new Regina George.
At PUMP, Lisa is doing her photo shoot and Stassi is acting like an ingrate. She says that Lisa isn’t paying her for the shoot. Girl, she hired you for this show. I’m pretty sure that check trumps the check you would have gotten to pick out her accessories. Be grateful. She’s helping you out with experience and you got to network with the photographer. Also, remember, when you’re planning on networking, always have some business cards ready.
Jax and Tom Sandoval visit Tom Shwartz at his apartment since he didn’t go to the pool party. Jax immediately starts attacking Katie in front of him and I lost all respect for Shwartz for not sticking up for his girlfriend and not punching Jax in his newly reconstructed nose for disrespecting him and his girlfriend in their own place. That’s not a friend, Shwartz!
At SUR, Kristen (ugh) is complaining how Katie is one of the friends she lost after she lied. Aw, poor cheating, lying, psychotic Kristen. Katie is on a break out back and Kristen joins her and immediately jumps into why aren’t they friends anymore.
Because Katie isn’t being very receptive for her, Kristopath goes for the jugular and accuses her of cheating on Tom Shwartz, because although she wasn’t there, she heard it from Jax. So then, it must be true because we all know Jax is the most honest person on the planet! Kristen, I’ll give you some advice that I gave Porsha Williams: when you go to sleep at night, pray for brains.
Katie, Stassi and Kristina are out for lunch and Katie tells them about her conversation with Kristopath. Schwartz messages Katie and tells her that Sandoval and Jax will be joining them. That’s Stassi’s cue to leave the table. If I were Katie, I would’ve left too and let them hang out by themselves.
It’s not long after they show up does it take for Katie to confront Jax on the rumors he’s been spreading about her. Jax gets extremely nasty with her and Schwartz is just sitting there like his lapdog. Okay, that’s the last straw. I’m through with you, Schwartz! Get some balls and stand up for your girlfriend who’s being attacked by your so-called friends!
Thanks for reading recap of last night’s episode! Let me know what you think in the comments section or tweet me @SalvaCam21. Next week’s episode looks juicy.