#RHOBH S05E02 “Who Stalked J.R.?” Recap

We’re back to another episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly HillsWords can’t describe how excited I am for this season. The season started off to a great start last week and I hope it’s indicative for the rest of the season.

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Kim meets Brandi at her 5th house in 5 years. She needs to stop renting and start buying. She has 5 jobs after all. It’s not long before they start gossiping. Kim wants to know what happened at the White Party between her and Adrienne. Brandi tells her that she just pulled her aside to invite her out for coffee so that they can be at peace. Soon, the moving guys arrive and they are cute. I guess there was reason to watch this segment after all. One of them is named Jake Ryan. That sounds like a porn star name. He’s 23 and Brandi has her sights set on him. Gross. But, hey, I don’t have to make out with her. Just be careful, Jake Ryan, this one takes crazy to a whole other level.

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At Villa Rosa, Lisa has her shirt designer come over. She usually comes over every few months to design new shirts for Lisa. Oh, how I wish I had that luxury. Lisa, adopt me, please! Maybe I can come back as Giggy in my next life. He has a better wardrobe than I do. Lisa tells us about how she met her housekeeper, Magdalena and it’s hilarious. I wish she met me on the road and offered me a job. She’s like the best boss ever.

Kyle and her family are getting ready to go to Lake Tahoe. Kyle mentions to Mauricio that she heard that Brandi and Adrienne had a brief discussion in their living room and she can’t wait to get the details.

Lisa is having a talk with Ken about all that’s gone down last season. She says that no matter what, her view and feelings have changed when it comes to these women and it’s understandable. My views have changed as well. Lisa is willing to put the past behind her and she knows now who certain people are and what they are capable of, particularly Brandi. She sees very clearly who Brandi is now: a snake. My words, not hers.

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Kyle and her family drive to their private jet to go to Lake Tahoe. Kyle is nervous because they’re flying. Didn’t the hypnotist in season 1 make her overcome that fear? She says she wants Porsha to stay grounded when it comes to her upbringing because with her other girls, they’ve always had road trips as opposed to flying private. Hmm, call me crazy, but maybe they should fly commercial for little trips like this instead then?

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Lisa Rinna is having lunch with her 25 year old agent. I think Lisa is hilarious. She orders a Frank Stallone salad purely for the fact that she can say she ate him. To a gay man, that gives a us a whole other visual. He gives her a few scripts to look over. Apparently they are making the Scream film series into a TV series. I’d say after the disaster that was Scream 4, they should leave it alone. Lisa briefly talks about the Depends commercial that she did and she said she got paid more to do that than any other job that she’s had. But after reading her blog on the RHOBH website, I understood and commend her for doing it.

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Lisa heads over to Mohammed’s ridiculously beautiful mansion and takes Shiva jewelry shopping with her. Shiva is a stunning woman. And I love her name. If I ever have a daughter, I’m naming her Shiva. Yes, I know in Hinduism Shiva is the god of destruction, but Shiva is also considered the supreme God in Shaivism. I like the friendship that they have. Shiva seems like a secure woman and she gets Lisa’s sense of humor. She should replace Brandi as a housewife next season. Lisa tries on a pink Sapphire diamond ring and it is perfect for her. I hope she got it. Love her or hate her (how could you hate her?) Lisa is a real Beverly Hills housewife and the reason why majority watch the show. I know that’s true for me.

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Yolanda prepares a romantic dinner for David at home and she greets him in the kitchen wearing sexy lingerie. Yolanda is looking sexy in that black laced lingerie. They reminisce over one Valentine’s Day where Yolanda called David and told him to meet her at a hotel and she’s wearing a huge trench coat and underneath, she’s wearing red lingerie. She definitely knows how to keep her romance alive.

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Brandi goes over to Kim’s house to get ready to stalk J.R. She tells Kim that she made out with the 23 year old Jake Ryan and I cringe. But, he has a porn star name, so it makes sense that he’s attracted women who look like cheap porn stars. By the way, am I the only one who finds it strange that she picks the guy with the same initials as J.R.? She starts talking about Eddie cheating on her again and I’m rolling my eyes. Fast forward to them driving out to stalk him and they were successful at it. They caught him doing nothing. Thanks for making me waste  6 minutes of my life that I can’t get back.

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Yolanda is at home getting ready and she says she is fat. Really? She meets Kim to go horseback riding. Kim lets Yolanda know that she’s there for her after Bella moves to New York, seeing as all her kids have fled the nest and she knows how Yolanda is feeling. While riding, one of their horses start farting and I’m cracking up. Clearly these women give him gas.

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Brandi is on her way to meet Adrienne and she calls Kyle to tell her that she’s freaking out. Kyle gives her a bit of advice. Adrienne arrives at the restaurant and you can clearly see how nervous Brandi is. She tells Adrienne again that she just wants to make peace and offers a half-ass apology. She tries to blame Lisa as part of her issues with Adrienne and that’s such bullshit. Clearly, Adrienne isn’t buying it either and says that Brandi needs to stop blaming others and take full responsibility for her actions. I concur.

Next week, we’ll finally get to meet Eileen! Lisa V throws a birthday party for Lisa R. Kyle is struggling with Porsha’s diva behavior and Brandi confronts Lisa.

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