#PumpRules S03E04 “Jax Nose Best” Recap

We’re back to another episode of Vanderpump Rules, and is it just me or are each episode getting better than the last?

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We start off with Jax, Tom Sandoval and Tom Shwartz getting their eyebrows threaded. Jax is about to get a nose job and Tom Sandoval made a shirt with a picture of his old nose. I have to admit, these guys are hilarious together. In a way, I’m kind of glad that Tom and Jax are friends again. They’re definitely a dynamic duo.

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Stassi goes to SUR to visit Katie and to eat some goat cheese balls. Apparently, they’re the bomb. I’ll have to try it if I ever go to SUR. She has a little talk with Ariana. She tells Stassi about Kristen’s super awkward visit at Tom’s apartment. Stassi believes that Kristen will weasel her way back into everybody’s life quickly and I’m afraid I agree. She doesn’t believe how forgiving people are at SUR and she said that things used to go differently when she “used to run” SUR. Oh yeah, Kristen and Scheana got matching tattoos. Better her than me. At the end of the day, Ariana and Stassi agree that Kristen just isn’t worth anything. Cheers to that.

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At PUMP, the manager tells Lisa that Tom Schwartz basically had a meltdown and walked out in the middle of his shift. Holy shit, Lisa is pissed. I feel sorry for you, Tom.

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Katie comes home to Tom in bed. He starts telling his side of the story and Katie feels let down. At the end of the day, that’s the man she wants to marry but before they can get married he needs to get his shit together. Basically, he’s been picking and choosing when he wants to do real work for the last few years. I wish I had that luxury. I really like Tom Schwartz, which is why I want him to get his shit together. This is life, we all have to do things we don’t want to. And as Katie kindly points out, “Even Jax can do this job.”

Jax is getting his nose job and I’m skipping it. I hate operation scenes. It creeps me out. Not to mention, I’m eating.

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Stassi and Katie are catching up and having lunch at a restaurant called Stir. Katie expresses her frustrations about the current situation with Tom. I feel bad for her. Stassi says she’s relieved she finally has a boyfriend who has a career and is stable. Stassi says that she sees Tom as very relaxed when it comes to not just his work, but his relationship and once again, I agree. Also, Katie tells Stassi that Jax had a nose job and her reaction is priceless.

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Tom Schwartz takes Jax back to his apartment after the surgery and Jax is whining and crying because he wants his drugs (pain medication). Peter and Lisa drop by to check on Jax. When Tom Schwartz opened the door, I think he might have crapped his pants. I know I would if I saw Lisa after I pissed her off. Tom is really kissing Lisa’s ass and she’s not having any of it. It was nice knowing you, Tom!

Kristen, ugh, and her fame whoring fetus boyfriend are at the gym and I’m skipping it also. All she talks about is Tom and it’s bloody annoying. (Yes, in Belize we say ‘bloody’ as well). Scheana and Tom Sandoval also pays Jax a visit and they bring donuts. I want some. I need some dessert to go with my dinner. Blood starts trickling down from Jax’s nose and I’m done. Gross.

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Lisa is having dinner with Ken and Lance Bass and his fiancee. Fame whoring fetus boyfriend, James comes back to beg for his job, again. Lisa is annoyed and so am I. Unfortunately, she gives James his job back.

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Tom Shwartz meets Lisa at PUMP for a meeting and it is painful to watch. He gives her back his PUMP uniforms. The least he could have done is wash them. Come on, dude. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Lisa on RHOBH is that respect and loyalty goes a long way with her. Come on, Tom, I want to be on your side but you’re giving me nothing to work with! Back at Jax’s apartment, both Toms, Ariana, Scheana and Shay visit Jax. His swollen face makes him look like a hippo a little bit. They talk about Katie and questions why she’s not around now that Stassi is in town. Jax is whining that Katie didn’t text him about his nose job. God, that little boy is so needy.

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Everyone’s at the OK Magazine party and it’s Stassi, Katie, Peter, Kristina and Tom Shwartz at one table, and Ariana, Tom Sandoval, Scheana and Shay at the other. Then Kristen shows up via invite from Scheana with her infant boyfriend in tow. Tom is annoyed and so am I.

Stassi’s table is playing high-card cut and the loser has to go sit at Scheana’s table for 5 minutes. Of course, Stassi loses and she heads on over. She sits next to Scheana and they’re both playing nice. Kristen is uncomfortable and I’m loving every second of it. After not seeing or hearing from Stassi since the reunion, she brings up Jax and his nose job. You don’t bring up your ex-best friend’s ex-boyfriend who you banged when you see her for the first time, you big dummy.

Stassi then goes back to her table and Scheana heads on over, with Kristen in tow. But, at least she brought a bottle of vodka to share with everyone. Stassi asks the table how they are all friends, and I really do want to know myself because I am baffled. Ariana makes it clear that they are NOT all friends. Kristen tries to awkwardly make peace with Tom and Ariana shuts it down. Love her. Kristen finally took the hint for once and leaves. Guess she’s not that dumb after all. Yes she is. Scheana and Stassi get into an argument about being friends with Kristen and once again, I’m sad. Stop fighting and kiss and make up, you guys! Stassi is over it and she leaves the party.

Thanks for reading my recap. Let me know what you think in the comments section, or tweet me (@SalvaCam21).

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