#RHOBH S05E01 “In With The Originals, Out With The Trash”

Finally The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are back! It felt like we’ve been waiting for years. For those who haven’t read my first blog, let me tell you what I think of all the “ladies.” Lisa Vanderpump is queen, Kyle Richards is annoying, Brandi Glanville is trash, Yolanda Foster is boring, Kim Richards, why is she still on here? Lisa Rinna, I don’t know much about but from what I’ve seen in the first episode, I like her and Eileen Davdison… well, we have to wait until episode 3 until we are introduced to her, but based on the trailer and clips on the Bravo website, I like her already.

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We start off with Kyle planning the White Party. Dear Lord. Does she not remember the disaster that was her last 3? But I guess they need some way to bring all the housewives together. I want to say that I went into this season trying to like Kyle (I don’t know why). Then she says her White Party is the party everybody wants to go to. That’s hysterical! Her party planner is thinking of having a snake at the party and Kyle shuts it down immediately. I have to say I agree. Brandi attending the party is one snake too many as it is. Kyle’s daughters are gorgeous! I get the feeling that Portia is going to be like Milania from RHONJ and I am mortified. NO! Just no… Oh yeah, The Agency, Mauricio’s company, is doing phenomenally and he’s now the number 1 broker in the state. I’m happy for them. By the way, Kyle’s lady-sitter has great legs. I’m jealous.

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We’re now at Yolanda’s, where Brandi is paying a visit. I find it odd that they seem so close after Yolanda said on WWHL that they don’t see each other outside of the show. But, that’s none of my business. Brandi looks awful. You’d think for someone who claims to have 5 different jobs that she’d be able to afford a decent weave. Yolanda is dealing with Bella going off to college at the end of the summer and Brandi is homeless…AGAIN! What is this, the third time in two and a half years now? Why doesn’t she just buy a house?

Anyway, as they’re heading to the beach they come across a swap meet at the end of Yolanda’s property. She thinks it’s funny and tells them they could stay. I bet as soon as the cameras stopped rolling she called the police and had them escorted off the premises. They’re on the beach and Yolanda tells Brandi that they have to connect with the Earth. All Brandi does is complain about Lisa and I’m over it. Brandi comes across a crab on the beach and screams. I’m assuming it’s because she’s no stranger to crabs.

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After screaming about not wanting to be Earthy, she says “fuck the Earth.” I’m pretty sure the Earth feels the same way about her.

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Finally we’re at Villa Rosa with the Queen. Her closet is gorgeous and it’s depressing that literally half of her closet is still bigger than my apartment in Taiwan ever was. She gives Ken the sex monster and she’s off to meet Kyle. Kyle says that Lisa was the one who should have called her to apologize and I’m laughing my ass off. I seem to recall Lisa apologizing so many times during the reunion last season and I have yet to hear her apologize to Lisa for all the shit that she’s done. But to paraphrase Yolanda, “That would never come out of Kyle’s mouth.”

Lisa wants them to move forward and never bring up the past again. I’m all for it. Kyle says she is too, but yet she brings up the past, again. These women are like the housewives from Orange County. It’s always a double standard with them. Kyle says it’s hard for Lisa to apologize and admit she’s wrong. Again, didn’t she do that countless times at the reunion last season? Not to mention she’s quick to apologize to anybody whose feelings she’s hurt. Ugh, shut up, Kyle. You’re annoying me. They make a pact to be loyal to each other and not talk shit behind each other’s backs. I hope their friendship works out.

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Lisa Rinna is being introduced and it’s not too long before she has me laughing. This woman is hilarious. Her daughters are beautiful but clearly they’re not comfortable being on the show. I love the relationship with her husband. It’s a bit reminiscent of Yolanda’s marriage to David (“He’s my king”).

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Back at Villa Rosa, Lisa V, the Queen, is getting ready to go to the White Party. Ken doesn’t want to go and eat Fat Burger. I’m with Ken on this one. I think Kyle is annoying and I’m more of a McDonald’s man. In the spirit of rekindling their friendship, Lisa forces Ken to put on his white trousers and put his best foot forward…or else her best foot will be up his ass.

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Lisa also made up with Yolanda. She’s basically begging Lisa for forgiveness and I’m loving it. I wish Yolanda would apologize to Ken for trying to malign is character by saying he hit her at the finale party last season. It was documented, Yolanda! You’re a liar!

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Back at Brandi’s. Ugh. Spare me, please. She’s nervous to go to the White Party because Adrienne and Lisa will be there. Here’s a thought Brandi: stop treating people like shit and you won’t have to be nervous going anywhere!

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The White Party has started and I have to say, I’m impressed. Not only with the party, but with Kyle’s outfit. I’ve noticed ever since last season’s reunion, Kyle has been stepping her game up in the style department. Kudos to you, girl. Also, Kyle’s boobs look great and her nipples are the star of the night.

Camille is back and I swear that woman does not age. She looks exactly the same as she did in season 1. Ken and Lisa arrive with a huge bottle of wine. Smart, Ken. After dealing with these women for 4 years, that’s the right amount of wine to drink to deal with them and their shenanigans. Yolanda makes another dig that Lisa has a hard time apologizing but she’s over it. Liar! If you were truly over it, you wouldn’t be taking digs at the Queen. Off with her lemons!

Taylor’s the next to arrive and she’s looking happy and healthy and I’m happy for her. Not many people have missed her or like her, but I both like and missed her. She’s newly married and her new husband adopted Kennedy. Good for her. I hope they have a happy life together.

Adrienne’s back with her Busch in tow. Good God! For somebody who’s worth so many millions of dollars, you’d think she’d have a decent weave as well! I wonder if she and Brandi share the same weave distributor. Then Brandi arrives and she looks like an old lady trying to recapture her youth. Brandi, you look cheap.

Brandi is lurking around the White Party, clearly the outsider again, this time, well-deserved. She sees Adrienne and Lisa catching up and decides to go say hello. Awkward. Finally she leaves them alone and then it’s the originals once more. It’s good to see all of them together again. I wish one of them would come back full time and replace Brandi.

Kim arrives and I literally forgot she was a part of the cast. Nevertheless, after she arrives, the original six are back and looking better than ever!

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Brandi’s still lurking and complaining that the party is super negative while the others are laughing and enjoying themselves.I wish Brandi would take the hint. She pulls Adrienne aside to have a little talk. It’s very uncomfortable. She invites Adrienne out for coffee and she agrees. Glad that’s over with.

Kyle admitted it was very fun to have the originals back together again, with Yolanda, not Brandi. Okay, she’s back on my good side…for now. Lisa says she doesn’t have anger towards Brandi, but she does feel sorry for her because she was “a fucking good friend” to her and she’s there when you need her…but, no, no, no, she’s burned that bridge. I concur, Lisa.

This season is off to a great start. I loved the vibe of the episode. It seemed very fresh and vibrant and I can tell the glamour is coming back. Thanks again for reading! Let me know what are your thoughts on this episode in the comments section!

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